


Story of Survival

by PorlPoint



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Custom Hawke (Dragon Age), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ensemble Cast, F/F, Family Drama, M/M, Mage (Dragon Age) Rights, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Mage-Templar Dynamics (Dragon Age), Will have hurt/comfort and some whump later because that’s my jam, pro mage hawke, seriously a lot of focus on mages because I do love mages, twin Hawkes au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 40,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29256699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorlPoint/pseuds/PorlPoint
Summary: Kirkwall was a city that destroys everything in it. The Hawke family tries not to be destroyed, from outside or from within.Twins Julian and Olivia Hawke struggle to support their family by working for Kirkwall's gangs, and in the end wind up more important to Kirkwall than they could have imagined.This is a canon divergence AU with twin custom Hawkes that reimagines the Kirkwall crew in the criminal underworld. Both pairings listed are equally important to the story.UPDATE: Fixed minor formatting problems
Relationships: Anders & Female Hawke (Dragon Age), Anders/Male Hawke, Female Hawke/Merrill (Dragon Age)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 9





	1. Flee

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This story is the result of me craving some m!handers content but also wanting to write out the story of my player character, a female Hawke who romanced Merrill. So I made twins Hawkes and put them into one story.
> 
> This will (sort of) cover the events of the game, but with a lot of canon divergence.

The table was tense at the Hawke household. The youngest was seated awkwardly next to his twin Bethany, wanting to be anywhere but here. The elder set of twins wore matching stony expressions, one sat at the table with her chair leaning back and the other leaned against the wall. 

The family looked quite alike, especially the sets of twins. The whole family save for Leandra had dark skin, and the elder twins both had dark brown curly hair. Julian had a short beard, and Carver had tried to grow one but failed. Olivia wore her hair parted down the middle, falling in large ringlets. Julian wore his hair short and the curl was barely noticeable. 

Right now Olivia was looking at Leandra with piercing hazel eyes that were almost golden yellow. Olivia was the only one in the family to have freckles, which her twin had teased her about in their youth. 

Now there was no teasing, just silence as Leandra’s words settled in the air.

“Rumor has it you’ve slept with a whore,” was what she had told her daughter as the family had gathered for a modest dinner.

“You should really not listen to rumors, mother,” Bethany tried to placate. Olivia spoke up anyway. 

“I don’t see how it’s any of their business who I sleep with. Not yours either.”

“The neighbors are talking, Olivia,” Leandra sighed. “The whole town will think you’re a-“

“Lesbian?” Olivia finished for her, raising one dark brow. “Let them think that. It’s true after all.”

“Mother, can we discuss anything else?” Carver asked, squirming in his seat.

“This is the only place she won’t run away from the question,” Leandra told him. “Olivia dear, perhaps you just haven’t met the right man. The Smiths’ son is lovely-“

“Not interested,” Olivia cut her off, immediately going back to eating her food. 

“I only want you to be able to settle down someday with a family of your own, carry on the Amell and the Hawke line.”

Julian snorted from his place away from the table. “Sorry, mother,” he said. “That’s not going to happen. Better wait for Carv and Bethy.”

The whole family knew the odds of Julian being the barer of the family lineage was slim to none, not with his own homosexuality. Leandra had tried this vary conversation on him too, with just as much success.

“Also,” Olivia added, gesturing with her fork as she spoke, “I didn’t pay for sex, she was just attracted to me. That’s gotta count for something, right? More honor?”

“Oh so now you’re wooing this whore?” Leandra asked with a tinge of exasperation.

“Don’t sound so snide, Peaches is a nice girl. But no, it’s casual.”

“This is great dinner conversation, really,” Carver grumbled. 

“Mother brought it up,” was Olivia’s defense, delivered with a shrug. 

Julian had not missed these kinds of conversations with his mother. While he loved his family dearly, he hadn’t missed his mother’s controlling personality. He and Carver had just returned from Ostagar following the disastrous battle with the darkspawn. 

Leandra had been supportive of both he and Carver joining the army, and Olivia would have joined too if not for Leandra’s begging. But no, Julian left for the army and Olivia stayed behind to endure Leandra’s matchmaking attempts. Julian did almost feel bad for her, knowing how important family was to her. She had put a lot of hope into the twins, thinking them the ones to continue the family line. However, sometimes life gives you two children who prefer the company of the same gender and you have to deal with it and adjust. 

Leandra was still working on the adjusting part. 

Perhaps Leandra had thought life would be different after her two eldest left their life of crime and became a soldier or stayed at home. Julian was pretty sure Leandra knew that the only reason he and Olivia weren’t still running with their own gang was because it got busted. After all, the two were practically raised criminals. There wasn’t much legitimate work for an apostate, so Malcom did what he had to do. Once he died when the twins were only 14, the gang soon realized that he had a mage daughter who could replace him. Leandra wasn’t happy that her teenager joined a gang, but the family had been starving. So, Olivia left them to become the breadwinner and Julian followed soon after once he reached adulthood. At least, for Leandra’s sake, the younger twins had never gotten mixed up in that life. 

The family had grown up fractured, but now they were all together around one table again. Julian couldn’t allow himself to relax, however, because now they were all unemployed. The gangs around Lothering had been pretty much wiped out, especially after those Gray Wardens came through. 

If life had taught Julian anything, it was that survival was what mattered. Not ideals, not good deeds. Good deeds didn’t keep you fed or keep you alive. His survival, his family’s survival, that’s all that mattered. 

There was a commotion outside of the house, banging on the door. Olivia and Julian both jumped to their feet and made for the door. Julian reached it first, but Olivia stayed close by him with her shoulders squared defensively. 

Julian opened the door to the face of a city guardsman. 

“Ser, you and your family must leave! The darkspawn are coming! Evacuate while you can!”

Julian didn’t even reply to him, just ran to grab his sword and his daggers. 

Olivia went for the closet, grabbing her and Bethany’s staves. They couldn’t use them normally for obvious reasons, but Malcom had insisted they have that option. Olivia, however, had not used her original staff in years, preferring her father’s. 

It was a mad scramble out of the house, and the streets weren’t any better. People were running, and in the distance an army could be seen. 

The Hawkes flee with the crowd, seeing a ball of flame soar over their heads. The crowd screamed. This was worse than Julian could have imagined. This was like Ostagar, why was this happening to Lothering? 

More running, more screaming, and the family was outside of the city. Outside, but not safe. The darkspawn were in the surrounding area. Julian had fought darkspawn only once before, but he knew to stay away from their blood. He worried for Carver, swinging his sword about with bravado. Olivia and Bethany would be safe with the range of their spells. 

By now the family was relatively far from the other fleeing citizenry, but not the darkspawn. 

The family was passing through a large formation of rocks, using them as cover. A few darkspawn rushed at them directly, and then more did. Julian sliced at the ones that weren’t taken down by Olivia’s fire. Bethany was doing her best with magic, but she wasn’t very suited to combat. 

Julian and Olivia ushered the group to higher ground, and the darkspawn followed. In the distance Julian saw two other figures in the distance, also fighting for their lives. As the battles raged on they got closer, until both sets of strangers were fighting as a group. 

Finally the last darkspawn fell, and Julian was breathing a sigh of relief when the only thing as bad as darkspawn happened.

“Apostates!” The armored man accused, pointing at Julian’s sisters. Olivia moved in front of Bethany quickly, almost growling. 

The man, Julian noticed too late, was a Templar.

“You won’t touch her!” Olivia told the man fiercely. 

“Wes,” the woman next to him said. “Is this really the time?”

“I agree,” Julian added as he stepped into the conversation. Julian was an imposing man and he used that to his full advantage. He needed to defuse the situation before Olivia pounced like a tiger. “It’s us against the darkspawn, let’s not do the work for them.”

The man stepped forward, and Julian wasn’t quick enough to stop Olivia from striding directly into the Templar’s space. She may be noticeably shorter, but she held her head high like he couldn’t strike her down. Julian loved Olivia dearly, but this was a bad move.

“Not one more step!” Olivia almost yelled. 

“Do not provoke me, apostate,” sneered the man. 

“I don’t need magic to end you,” growled Olivia, her hand going to the sword she wore along with her staff.

“Wesley, stand down!” The red headed woman pleaded. “This isn’t worth it! Now is not the time to think of the Order.”

“You’re also outnumbered,” Julian pointed out. 

“You try and hurt my sisters, see what happens!” Carver piped up. 

Olivia and Wesley glared at each other for a moment later, then both took a step back while still eyeing each other suspiciously.

“We’re all against the darkspawn,” the redhead reminded the group. “My name is Aveline, this is my husband Wesley.”

“I’m Bethany,” Bethany offered up like she hadn’t just been threatened. Julian and Olivia both shot her a disapproving look. She rolled her eyes. “This is Olivia,” Bethany continued, “and Julian. Over there is Carver, and that’s Leandra.”

“Fighting together would benefit us all,” Aveline said. “More darkspawn are no doubt on their way, we need to flee to the coast. We’ll likely need to leave Ferelden...” she sounded sad, but resolute. “Teryn Loghain is not doing anything to stop the Blight.”

“Where will we go?” Asked Carver. 

“Kirkwall,” Leandra spoke. 

“What? Where your family’s from?” Carver asked. 

“Where our family is from. The Amells are your family too.”

“Not any family of mine,” Olivia said with no apology. “Nor Bethany. If they didn’t accept dad, they won’t accept us.”

“My brother will help, I’m sure of it,” said Leandra. 

“If we can make it to the coast, I would also travel to Kirkwall,” said Aveline. “We ought to stick together. I know ships go that way frequently. Wesley, you could join the Order there.”

“All the more reason not to go,” Olivia grumbled. “The Templars.”

“It’s our only choice,” said Julian. “We have family there, there’s no Blight. Settling down elsewhere in Ferelden will just end like this.”

“Who died and put you in charge?” Olivia told him. 

“Dad,” Julian answered.

Olivia let out a dark laugh. “No, he left that to me. Just because mom wants you in charge doesn’t mean you are.”

“I think we should go to Kirkwall,” Bethany cut in. 

“I as well,” Carver said reluctantly. “I don’t want to stay in Ferelden. And if these people,” he gestured to Aveline and Wesley, “know a way to Kirkwall, we should travel with them.”

For once, people listened to Carver and that was the end of the conversation. Aveline led the group away, through the woods and along a disused trail. 

Night fell eventually, and the group had to rest. The next day, they found a caravan headed to the docks who were sympathetic enough to take them along. 

Julian was walking near the back with Wesley, a position that was quite purposeful. 

“Ser Wesley,” Julian broke the silence.

“Yes?”

“If you turn on us in Kirkwall, turn my sisters in to the Templars, I’ll kill you.”

Wesley almost stopped in his tracks, but kept walking. 

Julian continued casually. “I don’t care if the Order protects you, one day you’ll be alone on a patrol and something unfortunate will happen. I’ll make it happen, and be happy about it. It won’t bring my sisters back to me, but it will make me feel better.”

“You... you would kill me for...fun?” Wesley spluttered. “You would gain nothing!”

“Justice done is reward enough.”

“What is just in vengeance?”

“Is there a difference?” Julian said with a wry smile, which was rare for him. Being a bastard brought out some kind of sick joy in him. Power, in a world where he was so often powerless. 

“My revenge will be my justice, so pray you never earn it.”

Julian didn’t give Wesley a chance to reply, just walked on ahead. Hopefully he got his message across.

__________

Wesley died two days later, and Julian had nothing to do with it. The Blight took him, and Aveline ended his life before he could rot away. All Julian could feel was relief. He couldn’t read Olivia’s expression, but wondered if she felt the same. The twins were eerily similar sometimes, which is why they butted heads so often. Olivia probably felt guilty for being relieved, though. Julian didn’t, Wesley dead meant one less Templar to threaten his family.

He still eyed Aveline with suspicion on the last days of walking, the party leaving the caravan behind to make their way to the docks. Aveline looked like a corpse walking, her gaze fixed on some point in front of her, possibly the void itself. Maybe Aveline would turn them in once they got to Kirkwall, but now that must be the furthest thing from her mind. 

————-

It was one day later, when everything fell apart. Julian barely remembered any of it through the rage of battle and the blood rushing through his ears. All he can really remember is the moment Bethany turned on that ogre, and the sound of her body hitting the ground. He didn’t even remember killing the beast, only it being dead at its feet and Bethany being dead on the ground. 

Leandra was sobbing over her body, and soon turned her sorrow to rage and turned on Olivia. Olivia had been fighting a hurlock and was one second too late to stop Bethany from attacking the ogre. If their positions had been reversed, if Olivia had been just a little faster killing the hurlock, it might have been different.

He didn’t remember what Leandra screamed in her grief, but he did remember Olivia’s accepting silence. For once, Olivia was not fighting her mother. 

____________

The boat was crowded to the brim with refugees, all charged whatever they could pay for a way out. Bloody extortionists. 

Julian sat in the packed lower deck, leaning against the wall. He could still hear the sound of Bethany hitting the ground. Olivia still hadn’t cried, and Julian wondered if his own silent tears made him weaker than her. Olivia had taken one of Bethany’s rings, she turned it around on her finger as she stared into space. 

The ride took weeks, and it was on week two that Olivia finally cried. She was curled up in the corner of the packed room, resting her head on Aveline’s shoulder. Aveline had not left them since they boarded the boat, which Julian found strange. Were he in her place, they wouldn’t have been any different than the other refugees. Maybe it was because they had both lost someone. Whatever the reason, he didn’t like that Aveline was sticking around so close to Olivia. Aveline was the widow of a Templar, and Olivia an apostate. There could never be friendship there, even born in the depths of despair. 

At the end of the final week, Leandra’s grief found a new target. 

“You should have been watching them, Julian!” She had cried. Everyone in the room could hear her even over the light chatter, but no one cared. 

“How can you lead this family when you let this happen!”

“I know, mother,” was Julian’s reply. He didn’t really believe it. There was no point in thinking about what might have been, because what happened happened. The world was a cruel place, and he should have known his family would not come out unscathed. He could handle Leandra, she just needed someone to be mad at. Julian wasn’t mad, he was distraught. But he couldn’t show that, he had to keep a stoic face. Leandra had been right that he needed to lead the family, and he couldn’t do that if he gave in to emotion. 

There was no one to blame, only the world itself. The world was cruel, and it had taken Bethany. Julian caught himself wishing it were him, and then had to chastise himself for breaking his own rule. What happened happened. It was over. There was no fixing it, not amount of thinking of what could or should have been. Knowing this didn’t make it hurt any less. 

Once they were in Kirkwall, Julian made a promise to himself. He would protect his family, or he would die trying. 

———————-

The docks of Kirkwall are packed with refugees, and none of them are being let into the city. 

“I tell you, I have family in Kirkwall!” Leandra had pleaded with an impassive guard. My brother is Gamlen Amell, please tell him I’m here and he will come.”

The guard begrudgingly agreed, but said it might not help. Julian did see some people getting in, and money changed hands. Maybe there was hope in Gamlen, since he was an Amell. 

It was one more day before Julian heard someone yell Leandra’s name through the crowd. The family were among the other small encampments of the homeless refugees, all congregated around a filthy stone wall. 

“Gamlen!” Leandra exclaimed, leaping to her feet and finding the man. She brought him back, and Julian’s heart sank. Just looking at him, Julian knew something was wrong. He looked awful, his hair was greasy, his clothes were filthy. This was not a noble.

“For fucks sake,” Olivia muttered, likely feeling the same. 

“Gamlen, you need to buy us passage into the city,” Leandra said with hopeful eyes.

“Uh,” Gamlen stuttered. And then it got worse. The longer he explained, the more Julian wanted to strangle his newfound uncle. He literally gambled the house away. He was dirt poor, he couldn’t help them. 

Leandra was harshly berating Gamlen for ruining the family name, which caused him to bring out jabs of his own. 

“No! I won’t be blamed for the downfall of the family, not when you ran away with that-“ he looked around, finding the place too crowded, “that...man. You threw away the Amell name, don’t act so sad about it now.”

Leandra had no reply, but huffed anyway. “That’s no way to talk about your brother in law.”

Gamlen laughed. “That man will never be family to me.”

“What about his children, my children?” Leandra pleaded. “Will you be so quick to cast them aside? These are your nieces and nephews!”

“What about them, are they also...” he didn’t say it, but gave Leandra a meaningful look. She stuttered for a moment, looking flustered. 

“Yes, I am,” Olivia told Gamlin with a look that could kill. “Does that make a difference?”

Gamlen took an instinctual step back. “No, no,” he muttered to himself. Then to Leandra. “I’m not bringing the Templars down on my head. You’re all on your own, I’m sorry...”

He made to leave but Leandra grabbed his sleeve. “You owe us!” She hissed. “You destroyed the Amell name, you destroyed our home, you will do this one thing and help us!” 

“You chose this when you ran away with that man,” was Gamlen’s reply. He yanked his arm free of Leandra and left in a huff.

“We don’t need his help,” said Olivia. Julian was inclined to agree. 

And so the family waited like all the other helpless refugees. They waited, at least until Julian spotted a suspicious character prowling the area. He talked to different people, but never for long. Julian had some idea of who this man might be.

Julian walked over to the man and clapped a hand on his shoulder. The man jumped but quickly shook him off.

“And what do you want, doglord?”

“I’m going to ignore that last part. You’re recruiting for someone. Who?”

The man glanced down at Julian’s daggers he kept at his belt and then at the sword on his back. 

“The Red Iron. We’re mercenaries. You interested?”

“Can you get me and my family into the city?”

“If you prove you’re as tough as you look. Meet me tonight by the docks, down over there.” The man pointed. “But be warned, there’s others who want in just as much as you. You’re nothing special.”

“Never dreamed of it,” Julian replied dryly as the man walked away. 

Good, he had a lead. A gang could get them inside the city. He decided not to tell his mother where he was going that night.

——————-

This part of the docks smelled even more like fish than the rest, somehow. 

Julian confidently made his way over to a group of people concealed in the shadow of a run down shack. 

“Red Iron?” Julian asked the group. 

One of them nodded. “You’re here to join then.”

“You had said something about proving myself.”

“Gotta beat out the others who want your spot, literally.”

Now that Julian was closer, he could hear sounds of fighting behind the shack. Then someone hit the ground hard and cried out. 

“Looks like the lass is done with him, then,” laughed one of the Red Irons. He then handed over some coin to another. “I’ll admit, you’re stronger than you look.”

Out of the shadows stepped Olivia. Oh, Maker.

“What are you doing here?” Julian asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Joining the Red Iron. Someone has to get us into the city. Looks like you had the same idea.”

“Mother wouldn’t want you to do this.”

“Sod what mother wants,” replied Olivia. “You’d best get on to your own audition, if you can make it that is.”

Julian confidently waited for his fight, and then confidently won. Just as planned, except for the part with Olivia which was not in his plan. 

“It does make sense to have us both join, I suppose,” Julian pondered as the twins walked back to their family to deliver the news. “We do have two people we need to get into the city after all. Maybe they would have only let me take one.”

“You always do that,” Olivia observed.

“Do what?” Julian raised an eyebrow.

“Pretend like things go your way when they don’t. You don’t want me in the Red Iron.”

“We don’t always get what we want. But you know we didn’t both have to join. One of us was probably enough to get Carver and mother in.”

“But not Aveline,” said Olivia.

“Maker’s breath!” Julian groaned. “What is with you and that woman? She’s the widow of a Templar, she still carries his bloody shield! You’re not safe around her.”

“I think I’ll decide what’s safe for me, thanks,” Olivia replied coldly. “You don’t need to protect me. I’ve been protecting myself since I was 14.”

“You never should have had to.”

“But you should now? I don’t care that you’re a man and I’m a woman, I won’t be your charge to look after.”

“It’s not about me being a man!” Said Julian, gesturing as he spoke. 

“Are you sure? Not mother’s words getting into your head? You don’t want to be the big strong head of the household just like mom wanted?”

Julian didn’t reply, because she was right. It had stung for many years when Olivia left them and provided for them. He had felt useless. His mother had always told him “look after your sisters.” For years his sister had effectively looked after him, and wasn’t that a bit of a kick to his masculinity? 

Underneath his gruff exterior, he did want to live up to his mother’s expectations. Warrior. Protector.

Leandra’s words rang in his ears along with Bethany hitting the ground.


	2. Almost one year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian and Olivia have been in Krikwall for almost a year now.

The job had gone well enough, the goods were theirs. Olivia and Julian were with two other Red Irons, walking through Lowtown at night. The other men, Thomas and Brennan, were disagreeable sorts, but anyone who worked for Meeran willingly had to be.

Olivia supposed she was also working for Meeran willingly, but she never pretended to be agreeable. Even if they had not needed to join the Red Iron for passage into Kirkwall, she would have found herself somewhere like this. For all Leandra’s attempts, a criminal is what Olivia was.

Olivia knew Leandra didn’t want any of them involved in this life, but especially not her daughters. She had some stupid vision of women in dresses being courted by charming young men, much like she herself had. 

_She lost the wrong daughter for that to happen,_ Olivia thought darkly. Unconsciously, she twisted the silver ring on her right hand. _Mother would be happier with you here, Beth._

But Leandra did not have Bethany, she had Olivia Hawke. Rough and angry, chip on her shoulder, take no nonsense, Olivia. Well, no bigger chip on her shoulder than Carver. 

Olivia understood where Carver was coming from, why he was so bitter. Since she was a teenager, it had been Olivia’s job to protect the family. Now, Julian shared that responsibility. Leandra always thought of Carver and Bethany as the little siblings, the ones needing protection. Carver would always live in Julian’s shadow, especially if all he strived for was to be the big bad breadwinner. Olivia used to have a hard time with that too, always being less than what Leandra wanted and never measuring up to Julian. That was before she realized that what Leandra wanted for her and Julian were different things and that no matter how she tried she would never be what Leandra wanted if she continued to live like she did. Live in the place Leandra wanted for Julian.

Olivia had long since stopped caring, and Carver ought to do the same. But no, Carver would only ever be bitter and snide to the two older twins, rejecting all her attempts to reach out. Although to be fair, Olivia knew she could come off as abrasive. 

Olivia was still thinking about her family when the group of four passed through an alley and were ambushed by a group of seven. She should have known this would happen, they were doing a job for a wealthy client who had enemies of his own. 

The men had knives and the occasional sword, which was no match for her true power. Unfortunately, she couldn’t use her true power. Not in Kirkwall. Back in Lothering she had been the gang’s mage, but in Kirkwall she had not revealed that particular skill to Meeran. No matter, she was good with a sword too. 

While Olivia was good at dirty fighting and dodging through enemies’ defences, she was not an absolute juggernaut in battle like Julian was. He and his sword cut through enemies like butter, and he always ran head-first into battle.

Olivia may tolerate battle, Julian enjoyed it. He probably came off as quite scary to most, tall and quiet and ruthless. Olivia was a little louder, but less brutal in a fight. She had learned early on that people didn’t expect much from a woman standing 5’5 with ringlet curls and freckles, so she used that to her advantage every time. Go for the eyes, the crotch, the knees if you needed to.

Julian preferred to go for the chest, the head, maybe an arm. There was a loud crack from one of the assailant’s skulls as Julian turned his sword to smash him with the side of the blade. Then he swiped down and cut into the man’s shoulder. 

Olivia swung with her own sword, missing at first but then pushing forwards to pierce his stomach. The man screamed and fell to the ground. Thomas and Brennan were not doing as well as the twins, both being backed up against the wall by their attackers. 

_If you want something done well…_ Olivia thought to herself as she strode over to the cowering fools. But before she could engage, she heard a thump from behind her. Turning, she saw Julian on the ground. The sight made her freeze for a moment in confusion. What could have knocked Julian out like that, and that quickly?

 _Poison,_ she realized. _Fuck._

From that point, the fight was going south. Thomas and Brennan had recovered for a moment, but Thomas was soon sliced with a poisoned dagger as well. Luckily the stuff didn’t seem to be lethal, just debilitating in a fight. Julian was moving on the ground, struggling to get up. 

Four out of the seven men were still standing, and they weren’t badly injured. Four men against Olivia and Brennan. They advanced, backing the two Red Irons further away. 

_Shit. Fuck. Maker damn it!_

There was only one option, or they would all die in this filthy shithole alley. Olivia called to the fade, felt it pull inwards and dropped her sword before balling up her fists and pulling downwards, summoning fire from the sky. The assailants screamed, fumbled, and one ran away. Olivia would not let the rest. 

Olivia held both hands out in front of her now, releasing fire across the alley, listening to the screams of the men she hit. One collapsed to the ground and twitched, another simply died and fell. The last was panicking as he batted at his clothes, so Olivia took the opportunity to run him through. She pulled her sword away with a squelch, listening to the body collapse. 

“Y-you’re a bloody robe!” exclaimed Brennan stupidly, pointing. 

“Don’t say that so loud,” Olivia hissed at him, striding up so that they were practically chest to chest. “I don’t like complaining from people whose lives I’ve just saved.” 

Thomas was also gaping in shock, leaning against the wall. Olivia then caught Julian’s eye. He was glaring at her, but Olivia could read his real expression. Concern. Olivia knew the concern was warranted, she had just outed herself as a mage in Kirkwall. There was no going back now.

__________

The four Red Iron enforcers stood in the dingy Lowtown warehouse where Meeran frequently conducted business. They gave him the goods, and just as Olivia knew one of them would, Thomas told Meeran Olivia was a mage.

Meeran’s eyes widened, but then he smiled.

“Now, Olivia darling,” he drawled, taking a step forward. Julian also took a step forward, and Olivia knew he had his hand on the pommel of his sword. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I think you know why.”

“Well,” continued Meeran, “don’t worry your pretty little head about it. Your secret is safe with me. This just makes you even more valuable.”

He practically leered when he said that, the prick. Olivia was one of the few women in the Red Iron, and guessed that Meeran only ever felt the touch of a woman after the touch of some coin.

“You’d be no good to me in the Gallows. Some other...groups around here have mages, it’s about time I had one of my own.”

“You don’t ‘have’ me,” Olivia growled. 

Meeran laughed, but backed off a bit. Good, he smelled.

“Until two months from now, I do. Remember your contract.”

Oh Maker did Olivia remember that contract. One year with the Red Iron for passage into the city for her family and Aveline. Soon that year would be up, and she would have actual opinions. 

Although those options might be even worse. Still, even if Olivia stayed she would prefer it when she would be _able_ to leave.

“Before you two leave,” Meeran told them after waving away Thomas and Brennan, “Hawkes, I’ve got some stuff for you two. Especially you Olivia.”

Julian stiffed, squaring his shoulders. _Stupid protective fool. He still thinks I can’t handle anything Meeran has for me. Whatever. Let Julian worry, that’s his problem._

“Julian,” Meeran addressed. “We’ve got a problem with the Merchants Guild. Coterie doesn’t like them working with us anymore so they’ve stopped hiring us. They fear the Coterie more than the Red Iron, and I need you to change that.”

“How?” Julian asked, direct and to the point.

“My informants tell me that there’s one man there who’s wishy-washy enough in his dealings with the guild that he wouldn’t want too much trouble because of them. You’ve gotta go to him and make him understand how much trouble we can be if he doesn’t convince the Merchants’ Guild to use our services. The name’s Varric Tethras, and you’ll find him at the Hanged Man. He’s a dwarf with no beard, so he shouldn’t be hard to spot.”

“You want me to terrify a dwarf?”

“You could say it that way.”

Julian shrugged. 

“And Olivia,” said Meeran, “you’re going to Sundermount to look for Ralph.”

“Ralph? He’s still not back?”

“Well that’s why you’re searching for him, isn’t it? He was supposed to be trading with the Dalish for some poison.”

“You want me to talk to the Dalish? I’m human.”

“All the Red Iron is, but you’re a bit more equipped to defend yourself against them in case things end badly.”

“Because I’m a mage?”

“Yeah, and they have mages. If one attacks you, you can attack right back. This is important, Ralph’s been an asset. Not a man in Kirkwall who can mix poison like him.”

“Got it. Sundermount. Talk to the Dalish, find Ralph.”

Meeran dismissed them after that, and the twins walked back through Lowtown to Gamlen’s shitty house. Eventually Gamlen had agreed to house them, which had something to do with Leandra’s sad eyes.

The door creaked open despite how careful Olivia was. It was late, and she didn’t want to wake her mother or her grumpy uncle. Carver was up, sitting at the table.”

“Where have you two been? Mother was worried sick, I had to convince her to finally sleep.”

“Business,” said Olivia. She purposefully did not elaborate. Carver rolled his eyes.

“You two could stand to do your business a bit earlier, for all our sakes. Or get a job that’s not going to get you thrown in jail.”

“Are we really having an argument about this?” Julian asked. “We can’t leave, you know this!”

“You’re not gonna leave even when you can!” was Carver’s retort. “You two should consider getting a real job.”

“And how’s that working out for you?” Julian asked with a raised eyebrow and a blank face. “Anywhere that’s not the damn mines wanting to hire Fereldans?”

“I’ve been working moving stuff around the docks.”

“How’s that paying?” 

“Fuck off, Julian. At least I’m not worrying mother half to death and then leaving you to deal with it. Also, you were against me joining the Red Iron with you! What do you want me to be doing?”

“Exactly what you are doing,” Julian said. “I’m just telling you why we have to work with the Red Iron.”

“It’s not your bloody job to protect the whole family,” Carver groused. 

“But it is,” said Julian, completely serious. Olivia snorted.

“What?” he asked her with a frown.

“You thinking you have to protect me, ever.”

“Olivia, you’re a mage in Krikwall! You can’t live like you did in Lothering.”

“Not your decision.”

“How will mother feel if you get locked up in the Gallows?”

Carver leaned back in his chair, content to let the siblings move on to this argument instead of him. Bastard.

“Not everything is about what mother wants,” Olivia replied. “You two are so focused on pleasing her, so determined to fit our life into the life she wanted.”

Neither brother had anything to say to that at first, probably because she hit the nail on the head. Olivia smirked slightly. 

“We just want her to be happy,” said Julian, his stance softening. He may look like a brute most of the time, but when it came to family Julian’s kinder side came out. “And I want you two to both be safe.”

“Because that’s what mother wants,” Olivia muttered. 

“It’s not! Can’t I just want to protect you because I love you both?”

“I didn’t say you didn’t love us, I said you’re so obsessively protective because mother wants you to be.”

This time Carver laughed. “You’re one to talk, Olivia. You both baby me all the time!”

“Maybe stop acting like a baby, then,” Julian replied. 

“Fuck off.”

Great, they were fighting now. Olivia knew by now not to say it, but she agreed with Julian here. Carver was impulsive, prone to getting into scuffles he didn’t have to. He’d die in one of Kirkwall’s gangs, which is why Olivia would never let him join one. 

Olivia excused herself to bed and let the boys keep bickering. Tomorrow she would head out to Sundermount. In a weird way she was actually glad Meeran knew she was a mage. It meant she could use her full power on jobs, and she didn’t have to hide. She would finally be able to get out her staff and be herself again. 

________________________________

When Julian got up, Olivia was already gone. He checked where she kept her staff, and sure enough it was gone too. Worry crawled up inside of him, and Julian tried to push it down. Olivia was a strong woman, she would be okay going to Sundermount by herself. It would be okay. 

Leandra was also already up, making breakfast in the kitchen.

“Julian!” She exclaimed, “do you know where Olivia went?”

“To Sundermount, she might not be back for a day or two.”

“Sundermount? Whatever for?”

“Business.”

Leandra sighed. “I hope she stops this “business” when the year is up.” 

Julian hoped so too, but he knew it wouldn’t happen. 

Leandra at least didn’t ask him when he was quitting. She wouldn’t have liked the answer. 

Julian helped around the house that morning, then went to do a small Red Iron job. This one wasn’t too much trouble, no blood was even spilled. The rest of the day he spent looking at bulletin boards for possible freelance work. Meeran payed okay, but they needed money to move out of Gamlen’s house. He was sick of them and frankly Julian was sick of him. He had hated Malcom Hawke, so he viewed the Hawke children with equal disdain. Especially Olivia. 

When the sun was setting, Julian went to the Hanged Man.Today, he had a dwarf to terrify. 

The Hanged Man was packed as usual, so Julian had to look around a bit to find the dwarf. As he was looking, he noticed an argument going on at one of the tables. He also noticed how certain patrons looked a little too interested. He heard something about territory, and groaned internally. 

_Gang conflict. Probably the Sharps and the Coterie again._

Julian had no stake in what that was about, so he headed straight for the beardless dwarf chatting to a bartender. 

Julian clapped the man on the shoulder roughly, startling him so much he spilled a bit of beer. Good start. 

“Varric Tethras,” Julian began, but was quickly interrupted by a smashing sound. One of the arguing men had thrown a bottle. Looking over, the other drew a sword. Then chaos erupted. 

Sharps and Coterie from all across the bar went at each other, using anything and everything as a weapon. 

“Oh ancestors,” the dwarf muttered. There was a man with a knife headed right for Varric, fire in his eyes. 

Varric would be no good to him dead, so Julian acted. He drew his blade and scared the man off, but not before catching some attention. 

“What’s the quickest way out?” Julian asked the dwarf. 

“Uh, the door? The one blocked by all the fighting. But I have a room up stairs, so I’m going-“

Julian grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled the confused dwarf off his barstool. Julian, not wanting to use lethal force, grabbed a chair to bat away brawlers as he made his way to the stairs. 

“That’s Tethras!” One of the patrons shouted, then more commotion. If this dwarf was with the Coterie, then those people were probably the Sharps. 

Julian went faster, clambering up the stairs with the dwarf in tow. 

“That room!” The dwarf pointed out. They made it in just in time to slam the door on an angry Sharp. The dwarf locked the door quickly as Julian held it closed against the man intent on doing violence to Varric Tethras. 

After the lock clicked, the dwarf let out a long sigh of relief. 

“So who are you?” He asked goodnaturedly, like getting dragged to safety by a near stranger was normal. “I’ll introduce myself, but you probably already know. Varric Tethras,” he said as he held out a hand. 

Julian had to bend slightly to shake it, and did so awkwardly. This was not how he imagined his day going.

“Julian Hawke. I was...actually here to scare you.”

“And saving my damn life is scary how…?”

Julian frowned. “You’re no good to me dead.”

Varric laughed. “You’re funny. I like you, Hawke.”

“You shouldn’t. I’m here about your dealings with the Coterie and how the Guild dropped the Red Iron.”

“Ohhhh, so you’re one of them. I don’t know why you came to me, I don’t have that much influence over the Guild. Even if I told them it was a matter of my life or death I don’t think they’d listen. Your boss had a stupid idea.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time…” Julian said with a light shrug. Varric laughed again. 

“So you work for an idiot. Nowhere else will have you? I somehow don’t believe that,” he said, eyeing Hawke up and down. “You’re built like a fucking Qunari.”

Now it was Julian’s turn to laugh. “That’s flattery. Have you seen the Qunari?”

“Alright maybe you’d be a small Qunari, it’s all the same to me. You humans are all so tall. Kinda freakish… anyway my point is you’re a big, built guy with a mean face, that seems perfect for most recruiters.”

“My face isn’t mean,” Julian said with a furrowed brow that probably made his face look meaner. 

Varric chuckled. “The point of all that is why are you with the Red Iron if you think your boss is an idiot?”

“Have to stay with him,” Julian admitted. Why the fuck not, this day had already gone to shit. “Signed a contract to get into the city. I’m Fereldan.”

“I can tell, Hawke. You have that look about you. I’m pretty sure that contract isn’t legally binding.”

“Binding enough, out in Lowtown. You know what would happen to me if I broke it.”

Wait, why was Julian telling Varric this? How did this man get him to talk? 

“You’re giving me that mean face again,” said Varric. 

“I’m thinking about how I’m saying too fucking much to you.”

Varric grinned. “I’m good at getting people’s stories. I’m a writer, you know.”

“Don’t put this in a book.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Hawke. I don’t want on your bad side.”

“You’re already on my bad side, did you forget the whole ‘I’m here to threaten you’ thing?” 

“Easy to forget when you keep forgetting to threaten me.” 

Julian placed a hand on his sword. Varric noticed, but didn’t look phased. 

“That’s not gonna work, I already know you prefer me alive than dead.”

“Maybe that’s changed.”

“It hasn’t.”

How was this fucking dwarf reading him so well? This was officially a bad day. Here he was failing to carry out Meeran’s already stupid plan. 

“If more Red Irons show up, that’s not on me,” Julian pointed a warning finger down at Varric. 

Varric held up his hands. “I already said what happened to me wouldn’t sway the Merchants Guild, nor would anything I have to say.”

Julian turned to leave, then stopped when he heard the fight still going. 

“Looks like you’re stuck with little old me,” said Varric. 

“Emphasis on ‘little.’”

“Ha! You do have a sense of humor. Maybe you even smile sometimes.”

Julian only frowned deeper.

“Wanna hear a story?” Varric asked, sitting in a comfortable looking chair. Julian did not sit. 

“What about me makes me look like I do?”

“We’re stuck in here for a bit, I figured a story might ease your boredom. It’s about my family, House Tethras. Might help you understand your situation here a little better.”

“Alright; shoot.” What did he have to lose? More dignity? 

Varric’s story could have been shorter, but it wasn’t boring. Lots of broken honor and some fleeing authorities. And his brother, who seemed like he was the real Tethras power in Kirkwall.

Once Varric was finished talking, the sounds outside died down. 

Julian got up without a word, but Varric spoke before he could leave. 

“The Coterie could use talent like you showed today. Once you can leave the Iron, look us up.”

“Us? Aren’t you with the Merchants’ Guild?”

“The Coterie and the Guild have a close relationship. A bit incesttuous if you ask me.”

Julian didn’t say anything, just left. Downstairs was a mess of broken tables and glass, and in the middle of it all were two lone people trying to clean up. One was the bartender, and another a beautiful woman was dark skin and darker hair. 

“It’s alright, Corf,” she said as she swept up glass. “At least no one was killed, so the guard won’t be by.”

“Easy for you to say, you don’t have to clean this shit up every time.”

“But I help when I can,” the woman winked. “I’m a gracious guest.”

“You’re a permanent installment here, if you ask me.”

“You make me sound like a drunk or a floozy! Well...I guess I am a floozy,” she laughed.

Then she saw Julian. 

“Oh, hello handsome. Where did you come from?”

“Varric,” Julian said. He wasn’t going to explain, but he gestured upstairs. 

“My my,” the woman smirked, “Varric didn’t tell me he kept pretty human men in his room. What will the neighbors think?”

Julian didn’t dignify that with a response as he left the bar. 


	3. Olivia Fights a Spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trip to Sundermount.

Olivia stopped by a Red Iron supply cache to grab what she would need for a trek up to Sundermount. It would probably be a boring trip, and she would have fun yelling at Ralph to get his ass back to Kirkwall when she found him. Unless he was dead, of course. Maybe he fell off a cliff picking deathroot or got gored by a particularly angry halla. Or, more realistically, he pissed off the Dalish. 

Olivia wore her staff proudly on her back as she trudged through the green expenses of grass, enjoying the freedom it gave her. She was used to growing up around lots of people, but Kirkwall was way more packed than Lothering had been. Sometimes it was nice to have a place alone with her thoughts, especially when living with her uncle. Hopefully soon she and Julian would save up enough money to move the family out, but she didn’t have much faith in that. They had to find a place suitable for four people to live in, and a place that wasn’t literally rundown with holes in the walls. 

When night fell Olivia set up her camp and hummed to herself as she worked. She would never do that in front of people, but out here no one but the occasional animal would hear.

That night she dreamed of days as a teenager in Lothering. It was a better life, despite the crime and the danger. There was a simplicity in knowing you had to do what you were doing, and a pride in taking care of your family. She was out of the house a lot, so she never had her mother chastising her for being unladylike or talking about how she would never find a suitor. When she was away she didn’t have to deal with the jealousy of Julian and Carver, or the truth that Leandra wanted Julian to be doing her job. 

Now she and Julian had to compete to be the breadwinner, each always stepping on the other’s toes. Julian was protective of her, and she of Julian. Julian thought Olivia was weaker because she was a mage and was at risk of discovery, but really he was vulnerable because of his lack of magic. The chantry was right about one thing, mages were dangerous. Olivia liked being dangerous, it kept her safe. 

The next day she arrived at the Dalish camp, seeing it in the distance for a long while before she got there. This gave her time to plan, because one did not just walk up to the Dalish. 

The Dalish saw her approach, a few of them walking up to meet her with weapons.

“Human,” one of them, a man with a bow, addressed her. “What is your business here?”

“I’m looking for someone. A human man with a pale skin and dark brown hair, sort of scruffy. He walks with a limp. His name is Ralph.”

The two elves looked at each other for a moment before the other one answered. “There has been no such human here.”

Olivia wasn’t sure if she believed that, but she accepted the answer. If they were trying to make her leave it wasn’t going to work, she had to stay gone enough time for Meeran to believe she made an effort. After the reveal of her magic, she needed to stay in Meeran’s favor for at least until the year was up. 

“I know he came this way,” she told them. “I have to keep looking around here for him, so I leave sooner if I find him sooner.”

“He headed towards the caves,” the elven woman of the pair told her. “Be quick with your search, human.”

“...Thanks, I will.”

Olivia headed off towards the caves, and groaned out loud when she arrived at the opening. She could see web residue from giant spiders, and she got some idea of what might have happened to Ralph. Now she would have to go find the fool’s body.

As she suspected, the cave was filled with spiders. Luckily, shooting fire down an enclosed space tended to kill whatever lurked within. Hopefully she didn’t hit Ralph if he was still alive. 

She then decided to yell ahead before each burst, which unfortunately warned the spiders of her approach. This resulted in some of them sleenking away and then reappearing behind her as she walked. After one close call, she made sure to watch her back.

“Ralph!” she yelled. “Ralph you stupid bastard, are you in here?”

No answer. More cobwebs. More spiders. 

The entire day was spent in those stupid caves. Olivia was so deep that she needed a torch to see, but she was certain it was dark outside as well. 

Another spider lunged itself at her, and she used force magic to send it back. It was bigger than the rest, and looked a bit different too. That probably wasn’t good. The bastard was tougher too, her spells doing less damage. Olivia was suddenly very aware of her dwindling mana. When it finally fizzled out, she pulled out her sword.

She wrestled with the spider, but it got close enough that its teeth grazed her arm and she felt her skin break. 

“Fuck,” Olivia cursed to herself as she retaliated. She cut off one of its legs, and was about to charge again when it suddenly seized up and blood gushed from its face. It twitched, and collapsed. Olivia was very confused for a moment before she heard a voice behind her.

“Oh creators, are you alright? Did I get here in time?”

The high pitched voice belonged to a lithe Dalish elf that was now in the caves with Olivia. She carried a staff, and wore a worried expression on her face.

“I’m fine,” Olivia said, placing a hand over the gash on her arm. “It’s just bleeding a little.”

“You need to clean that right away, those are poisonous!”

Well, shit. 

Olivia pulled out her canteen of water and poured it over her arm, hoping that would be enough.

“I brought some bandages too,” the elf added helpfully. “In case you needed them when I got here. The little elf trotted towards her on light feet and held out a roll of bandages, which Olivia took and awkwardly tried to apply with one arm.

“Here, let me help!” the elf cheerfully took the bandages and tied it for Olivia, giving her arm a little pat when she was done. This was not how the Dalish were supposed to behave. 

Olivia picked up the torch she had dropped to the ground which thankfully hadn’t gone out and held it close to them. The elf had facial markings, so definitely Dalish. 

The elf held up a hand and conjured a small ball of light. 

“That’s better!” she said with a bright smile. “You’re out of mana, correct?”

“...Yeah. Who are you and why are you here?”

“Oh my, I did forget to introduce myself. How terribly rude! I’m Merrill of the Sabrae clan.”

“I’m Olivia. Again, why are you here?”

“To look for you! Pol told me you left for the caves and I knew how terribly dangerous they are.”

“But I’m a human stranger.”

“That doesn’t mean you should die alone in a cave, now does it?” Merrill quirked her head to the side. “Well, I suppose it does to most of the clan. The Keeper rolled her eyes at me when I told her where I was going, but that’s okay because she could have tried to stop me. I count that as a win!”

Olivia was still a little perplexed, but glad she wasn’t spider food.

“You’re not going to find anyone alive any further into the tunnels,” Merrill told her. “They’re infested with the poisonous ones, no one comes in here and lives. If the man you’re looking for is here, he’s dead.”

“Great.”

“Let’s get out of the cave, then?” she asked with a small smile.

“Let’s,” Olivia agreed. 

The walk back was weird. Merrill was a chatty woman, telling Olivia about her day and anything else that crossed her mind.

Olivia had one question of her own. 

“Back there, how did you kill that spider? That’s no magic I’ve ever seen.”

“...oh. That. Well, um, it was blood magic.”

Olivia stopped in her tracks, trying not to stare openly. This tiny, chipper elf was a blood mage.

“I know,” Merrill sighed, “the Keeper doesn’t understand either. It’s okay though, I don’t need her approval to do everything.”

Olivia had heard of blood mages from her father. They were evil, they killed people for their rituals. They dealt with demons. This elf did not look like a blood mage.

“You’re still staring, oh dear,” said Merrill, self-conscious. “Sorry for bringing down the mood. Telling people about blood magic usually does that.”

“If it’s what you are,” Olivia shrugged, trying to act normal. “And there’s no Templars here, so...I guess you be you. But...why? Why deal with demons?” Olivia couldn’t imagine taking that kind of risk. She may play with literal fire, but this was something else.

“Only you humans call them demons,” Merrill told her. “All creatures of the Fade are simply spirits. All spirits are very dangerous though, so I did not do this lightly. I am trying to recover the secrets of my people’s past. That is worth the risk.”

Merrill’s gaze was far away now, perhaps the Fade itself. 

“All that risk for history?”

“Our history was taken from us, all we have are fractured stories and old ruins. What I found...it’s more. So much more. If I can restore that history, I can build my people up.”

Olivia considered this. She had never put much stock in history, but she supposed that might be because she always had hers. She couldn’t really judge Merrill. 

“You don’t use other people’s blood, do you?”

_Maker, was that what happened to Ralph?_

“Oh, heavens no! That would be wrong. Blood magic is a tool, but I will not use it for evil.”

She sounded resolute. Unless this was all a very convincing and strange act, Olivia was inclined to believe her. 

“So you’re a blood mage who doesn’t sacrifice people, and a Dalish elf who ventured into a dangerous cave to save a human…”

“Mmhm,” Merrill nodded. “Again, I don’t see why you have to die just because you’re not one of us.”

They reached the entrance of the cave, and Olivia thought about all the other caves she had yet to explore.

“Will you be heading back now?” Merrill asked, still using her light to illuminate along with the moon. 

“I have to keep looking in the caves, if that’s where Ralph went. My boss needs him back if he’s alive.”

“Oh,” Merrill said, looking put out. “Uh, maybe don’t do that? Those caves are dangerous, as you well know.”

“I just won’t venture that far in again.”

“You’re not going to find your friend,” Merrill said, suspiciously certain. 

“Colleague, not friend. And why do you know that?”

“Because he’s dead.”

Olivia was silent for a moment.

“Did you kill him?”

“No, Fara did. He came to trade with us but he was so rude, and he said some things… anyway, Fara fought him then and there, and he died. The Keeper was so mad, afraid we were going to be on bad terms with the city if they knew we killed one of theirs.”

This was a lot to take in. 

“Why do you need trade from Kirkwall.”

“Our Halla are dying,” said Merrill. “We’re trapped here for the time being and there are some resources we can only get from the city. Oh, the Keeper is going to be so mad I told you that…”

“Why _did_ you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to keep going into those caves for no reason! It wouldn’t be right.”

Oh. It was that simple. 

“You’re a good person, Merrill.” Olivia told her. 

“Oh?” Merrill looked genuinely surprised, then flustered. “Well...thank you.”

Olivia made a choice.

“I’ll tell my boss Ralph died in the caves.”

“What?”

“I don’t want your people to suffer for whatever stupid shit Ralph pulled. Your secret’s safe with me. No one has to know the Dalish killed him.”

Merrill looked shocked, her big eyes even wider. “Olivia, you are so kind!”

“I’m just being a decent person,” Olivia frowned as she spoke. “Don’t let anyone convince you doing the bare minimum is a kindness.”

Merrill nodded, still stunned. 

“You should get back to your camp,” Olivia said. “I’ll be fine out here and I’ll return home tomorrow.”

“A-alright,” said Merrill. “Again, thank you.” Merrill reached out and clasped Olivia’s hands in hers before giving them a small shake of thanks and leaving. 

_What an odd woman._

Olivia contemplated the conversation as she set up her camp for the night. She had lied to Merrill earlier, the agreement to Ralph’s cause of death a secret was a big deal and not a simple kindness. Meeran would be pissed if he ever found out Olivia lied to him, and it wasn’t good to piss off the leader of a mercenary band. 

Olivia had no regrets, though. She would keep Merrill’s secret. It was the right thing to do. In a world where Olivia did the wrong thing so often, it felt good. 

_______________

Olivia returned home to find Julian in a bad mood and her mother mad. 

“You had me worried sick all night and then you leave in the morning for two days?” Leandra had pleaded. 

“It’s my job, mother,” had been Olivia’s terse reply. Even if they escaped Gamlen, Leandra would be moving into the new house. Olivia wasn’t done dealing with this for a long time.

“And what’s got you so angry, then?” Olivia asked Julian once her mother had finally stopped lecturing her. “Also think I should ask for permission to leave the house?”

“You did more than leave the house,” Julian pointed out. “But no, I’m not mad at you. I didn’t think the Dalish would do you any harm. The job for Meeran went bad.”

From the other room Olivia noticed Carver listening in now. He tried to glean whatever information he could about their work.

“How did you manage to fuck up terrifying a dwarf?”

“I didn’t fuck it up,” Julian argued, “the Maker did. A bar fight broke out at the exact moment I introduced myself and then I had to save his ass instead of threaten him. Now he doesn’t think I’m intimidating.”

Carver laughed, Julian ignored it.

Olivia had to agree with Carver, it was a little funny.

“I’ve gotta go report back to Meeran,” Olivia said as she swung her staff back over her shoulder. It was fashioned with a blade at the end so that Olivia could pass it off as a spear. 

“Do you need to tell Meeran how your mission went?”

“Already did. He wasn’t happy, now he’s sending me to beat the shit out of a different Merchant’s Guild dwarf. His plan is stupid and its not going to work. I also have to stake out the docks for Athenril’s people.”

That made sense. Meeran basically gave Julian the shittiest task as revenge. No one wanted to stay at the smelly docks for hours on end watching for a group that’s only job was not being seen. Meeran thought the Red Iron should get into smuggling, but the problem was that Athenril had that covered. His plan was to figure out Athenril’s routes and clients, then take her people out. Olivia wasn’t a fan of the plan, she didn’t need more gang wars on top of the Coterie and the Sharps killing each other over territory. 

Julian went off to scare another dwarf, hopefully this time with success, and Olivia went to report back to Meeran.

“The stupid piece of shit,” was what Meeran had to say once Olivia gave her report. “Now I’m gonna have to rely on Johnson for poisons!”

Olivia turned to leave him to his ranting when he called her name.

“I’ve got something else for you. We’ve got a traitor, I need you to kill him.”

_Kill?_

Olivia had killed before, but had never been sent out to do it. The idea seemed...distasteful.

“Who is it?” she asked. Was she really about to murder a man in cold blood for Meeran? At the same time, was she in any position to refuse?

“Man named Harold Kells,” Meeran told her. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but Olivia couldn’t place it to a face.

Meeran must have noticed Olivia thinking.

“Dirty blond hair, beard? Never washes?”

Oh, she knew who he was talking about now. 

“What did he do?” she asked.

“I sent him out to intercept one of Athenril’s men. He’s been failing at that task for some time now, but I thought he was just incompetent. After I had Racheal start tailing him, we realized he had turned traitor to feed his addiction. Apparently Athenril has better connections.”

“Why do you need _me_ to kill him? Why not send someone else?”

“Your special...talents.”

“Oh. Magic. Is he really so dangerous you need that?”

“He used to be on the guard before he came to us, he’s a trained warrior. So I’m sending someone who has an..element of surprise, so to speak.”

“And what if I said I didn’t want the job?” Olivia challenged him.

“I’d say I may pay you, but you do what I say until the year is up. You don’t want to be the next Harold, do you?”

“Fine.” Well, Olivia can tell the Maker she tried. She had never considered herself an assassin before, but there was a first time for everything.

“He’s gone into hiding,” said Meeran. “But he was last seen in Darktown.”

This day was getting better and better. Olivia tried to avoid Darktown like the plague, mainly because Darktown was where you catch the plague. Those tunnels were literally next to the sewer, it was disgusting. 

Olivia left the meeting with Meeran thinking about how even though she did her job well, she was in the same boat as Julian in terms of cruddy tasks. 


	4. New Employment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins get a better job offer. Carver still isn’t happy.

Julian found a spot by the docks where he was partially concealed in shadows. It was going to be a long night. 

He kept an eye out for anyone sneaking off to a similar corner, especially elves as Athenril employed many. Mostly what he saw were dock workers. Eventually he decided to move locations, which turned out to be a mistake because it was him that got noticed.

“Hey!” Came a somewhat familiar voice. It was the woman at the Hanged Man who knew Varric. Her hips swayed as she walked, a predatory gleam in her eye. If she was trying to pull something on Julian, she was barking up the wrong tree. 

“You’re the man from Varric’s room,” she observed. Julian didn’t say anything. The woman continued. 

“Varric told me that you were unfortunately in there for business, not pleasure. He didn’t say what that business was, though, and I got curious. I’m Isabela, by the way.”

Julian did not introduce himself. “I was there to tell him that the Red Iron don’t appreciate the Merchants Guild terminating all our contracts.”

“He seemed very unharmed for someone who was just informed the Red Iron was upset with him…”

“Plans change,” was all Julian offered the woman. He hoped she would leave soon, he had a job to do. 

“The silent type, I see. Very sexy.”

Julian didn’t respond.

“Ah well,” said the woman. “So much for friendly banter between strangers. I’ll see you around, hopefully?”

She winked and then left. Again, barking up the wrong tree. 

The rest of the night was uneventful, as Julian knew it would be. They would have to work a lot harder to catch Athenril’s men at work. Julian knew Meeran had tried sending Red Irons to go beat up people working for Athenril so that they wouldn’t be able to do their jobs as well, but they kept coming back. Julian had even gotten involved in a fight between Athenril’s men and the Red Irons, and it ended badly for the smuggler. Although according to Rachel, one of the best Red Iron rogues, that same man was seen completely fine two days later.

As if he summoned her, Rachel materialized out of the darkness as soon as Julian was about to try another location. She was a tall woman with long black hair, usually pulled back in a braid. 

“You’re about as sneaky as a bronto,” she told him. She was a mean woman, too. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Same as you. Only I’m doing a bit better because I think I found one of the drop locations. Don’t wanna go alone, though, fancy coming with?”

As sneaky as she was, Julian knew she wasn’t much in a fight. “If it’ll get Meeran off my back.”

“Oh yeah, I heard you failed to scare a dwarf. Hilarious.”

“Do you want my help or not?”

Rachel held up her hands in surrender, then led Julian to the location. It was a rundown warehouse that had fallen into disuse about a year ago. 

“There’s a secret passage in the floor,” Rachel told him quietly. “It leads to Darktown. That’s why they chose this place.”

The two Red Irons made their way into the warehouse after Racheal easily picked the lock, and inside found a crate that looked suspiciously newer than the rest of the junk.

“Bingo,” Rachel whispered with a smirk. Julian opened the crate and saw vials of blue liquid. 

“Athenril’s a lyrium smuggler?” he asked, confused. “Don’t the Carta have a monopoly on that?”

Rachel shrugged. “Don’t care. Let’s just take this back to Meeran.”

By “let’s” she meant she would watch while Julain carried the crate. Again, not much good in a fight. 

A few people did shoot them questioning looks as they made their way through Lowtown carrying a large box, but all it took was one glare from Julian for them to keep walking.

When they arrived at Meeran’s place, Julian heard shouting from inside. Slowly, Rachel opened the door and took a look.

“It’s your sister,” she said. “She’s really mad.”

_Olivia? Why’s she yelling at Meeran?_

Julian entered the warehouse and set the crate down loudly, announcing his presence. On the other side of the room, both Meeran and Olivia stopped arguing and looked over at Julian.

“What’s all this about?” he asked.

“Meeran’s trying to get me killed, is what!” Olivia replied, crossing her arms. 

“I sent you on a job, that’s not trying to get you killed! How was I supposed to know Harold was a bloody Templar?”

_What?_

Julian narrowed his eyes dangerously. “Why did you tell Olivia to do anything involving a Templar? What happened?” he demanded.

“I sent her to kill a traitor,” Meeran explained. “I didn’t bloody know he was a Templar. I thought he was in the guard! I just remembered wrong, get off my back.”

“Your shit memory nearly cost me my life!” Olivia yelled. 

Meeran huffed but didn’t reply. “What’s that then?” he asked Julian, looking at the crate.

“Some stuff of Athenril’s,” he said. “We found one of her drop locations.”

“We”, laughed Rachel, “didn’t find it. I did. It’s lyrium. Now we know why Harold betrayed us for her, I guess.”

“Wait a fucking minute,” Olivia groaned. “You knew that Harold was a trained warrior with a lyrium addiction, and you didn’t think he might have been a Templar? It didn’t even cross your mind?”

“I told you he was an addict!” said Meeran.

“Not a lyrium addict! That makes a fucking difference. Warrior. Lyrium. Templar!”

“If you sent my sister to fight a Templar one on one, you’re fucking lucky she’s allright,” Julain growled at Meeran. “Really. Fucking. Lucky.”

“Don’t threaten me, boy,” Meeran snarled. “You two work for me, I’ll send you wherever I want!”

“And look how that worked out for you,” Olivia said, “Harold got away. You’re gonna have to send someone else to kill him, or at least let me have some warning.”

Olivia then laughed under her breath. 

“You sent a mage to assassinate a former Templar…”

“Why are you sending Olivia to kill people?” Julian asked. “She’s not an assassin!”

“Because she had magic!”

“Against a Templar?”

“I didn’t know he was a- Ugh!” Meeran exclaimed. “You two both shut it. I’ll send someone else to deal with Harold, alright?”

Julian was still mad, and by the looks of it Olivia was too. 

Julian wanted to strangle Meeran for doing that to his sister. Meeran, however, had other work for them. He must be feeling the pressure of the year almost being up, he was after all going to lose two very good foot soldiers. Olivia and Julian were damn good, and Meeran knew it.

“We’ve figured out how Athenril’s men keep coming back like cockroaches,” Meeran told the twins. “They’ve been going to the fabled “Darktown healer””. 

“And why is this our issue?” Olivia asked. “How are we supposed to stop people from seeing a healer?”

“We stop the healer from seeing them,” Julian told her. 

Olivia’s shoulders tensed. “We’re going to kill a healer?”

“Not kill,” Meeran clarified. “We just need this person to realize how very upset we would be if they kept healing Athenril’s men.”

“This doesn’t sound like my business,” Rachel piped up, reminding everyone she was there and then quickly heading out. 

Olivia kept raising objections. “We’re still going to hurt someone who does nothing but heal people for free? I’ve heard of this man, he does good.”

“What he’s doing is making our war with Athenril near impossible,” said Meeran. “I think we had this conversation before, Olivia, but you work for me. If I say go shake down a healer, you do it.”

“This year can’t end fast enough,” Olivia muttered. It was foolish of her to say those things out loud. Julian may think them, think that Meeran’s war with Athenril was stupid and more trouble than it was worth, but he kept his mouth shut and did what he was told. That was how you survived in Lothering, it was how you survived in the army, and it was how you survived in Kirkwall. 

“Are you sending us out tonight?” Julian asked. He was so fucking tired.

“If you want,” Meeran shrugged. “Do it soon, that’s all I care about. Both of you go, the Darktown healer is a mage. It’ll be helpful to have Olivia there.”

“Right,” Julian agreed. He had gotten a bit worried at the prospect of going after a mage on his own. As much as he didn’t like it that Olivia was with him in the Red Iron at all, she would be invaluable here.

The twins walked home together, Olivia’s anger palpable in the air. 

“I hate Meeran,” Olivia seethed. 

“He’s got a very good man,” Julian agreed.

“He’s scum. Do you know how many Ferelden refugees are in Darktown? Hurting this healer will put them all in danger.”

“We only need him to stop healing some people, not all of them,” Julian reasoned. 

“...You’re really okay with threatening a healer?” she lowered her voice. “A mage in Kirkwall?”

“I don’t have to be okay with it, I just have to do it,” said Julian. “We’ve both had to do a lot of things, this isn’t any different.”

“It feels different,” said Olivia. “Some things should be off limits. And it’s not just Athenril’s men who go to the healer, other gangs will miss him too.”

“That’s Meeran’s problem, not ours.”

“It will be ours when the Red Iron becomes the enemy of both the Coterie and the Sharps!”

“By the time that happens we’ll be gone. The Coterie’s hiring, from what I’ve heard.”

“And where did you hear that?”

“The dwarf. Varric Tethras.”

“You’re thinking of joining, then?”

“Better than Meeran. I know you hate him, and I think the man’s a fool. He’s creating conflict with Athenril when he doesn’t need to, and now he might piss off everyone. I think he’s volatile.”

“I’m joining with you, then,” Olivia said confidently. “I’m not staying with Meeran, and I don’t want to end up on the opposite side of a gang war with you. That rules out the Sharps, and they’re the two most powerful gangs in Kirkwall.”

“Or you could get out when you have the opportunity,” Julian suggested, knowing it wouldn’t work. Olivia actually laughed at him.

“I would say nice try, but that was dismal. No, I’m not leaving. I’m not letting you be the only thing keeping the family out of Darktown.”

“We have Carver,” Julian added dryly. 

“Don’t even say that, you know he wants to join someone too. The only thing keeping him in honest work is mother.”

“Curious how that doesn’t work on you,” said Julian. 

“I have a backbone,” said Olivia. “But thank the Maker Carver does listen to her. He’s not cut out for this life.”

On that, the twins could agree.

___________________

The next night the two Hawkes descended to Darktown. To say they were met with resistance would be an understatement. Any mention of the Darktown Healer and they froze up, eyes suspicious. Everyone seemed to know the bastard, but no one would say where he was.

In the end Julian had to back some poor man into a corner and pull a sword to get any answers. “Look for the lanturn,” had been the answer.

What followed was at least an hour of walking around Darktown, which was not a very pleasant hour. Then, finally they saw a lit lantern. 

Well, it was time to make an entrance. Julian kicked in the door, enjoying the satisfying crash it made. Julian stepped in, squaring his shoulders and holding his sword ready, and…

No one was there. The makeshift clinic wasn’t empty, but no one was there.

“He knew we were coming,” Julian frowned. 

“Probably because the residents of Darktown told him,” said Olivia. “You weren’t subtle in your inquiries.”

Sighing, Julian pushed over a table of elfroot. Olivia’s eyebrows shot up. 

“What are you doing?”

“Sending a message,” Julian replied, upending a cot. “He has to know we mean business.”

Olivia didn’t look happy, but stood by while Julian wrecked the clinic. 

“You’re really doing this for Meeran?” Olivia asked. “Meeran, a man you don’t like who you’re leaving soon?”

“I don’t want to have a reputation as someone who doesn’t get the job done. What happened with the dwarf was bad enough.”

“I suppose…” Olivia admitted. Once the place was thoroughly wrecked, Olivia and Julian left. As they walked through Darktown, Julian spoke.

“Yesterday you said Carver wasn’t cut out for this life, but what about you? You’re getting awfully sensitive about doing this. Maybe you should quit if you can’t hurt good people.”

“You know I can,” Olivia told him. Not proudly, but definitive. 

“So what’s different about this?”

“Being a free healer in Darktown is about the most noble thing I can think of,” Olivia said. “This isn’t some average person just trying to live life. There’s no reason he needs to be hurt or to die.”

“But you’ve killed others,” Julian pointed out. “You know they were just trying to make money for their families, same as us.”

“Exactly,” said Olivia. “The same as us. We’re shit. We’re shit with noble goals but that’s just how life is. Desperate people killing desperate people. They would kill us if they had the chance, why hold back? But that man does so much good for the people of Darktown, he of all people shouldn’t have to get hurt for doing a good thing.”

“That’s just naive,” Julian replied. “Good people get hurt all the time. Just gotta make sure you’re not the one getting hurt. You look after your family and yourself, but that’s it. Nobody else is worth a damn.”

“Some people should be off limits.”

“But no one is.”

“I said should, not are.”

After a few more moments of silence, Julian spoke.

“If we didn’t go scare him, Meeran would have just sent someone else.”

“So now you’re trying to justify yourself to me?” Olivia asked. 

“No.”

Olivia gave him a look. 

“I’m trying to make you feel better,” Julian told her. 

Olivia frowned deeply.

“I don’t need you taking care of me.”

__________________________________

The next weeks passed without much event. The twins went to Darkdown in search of the healer a few more times, but every time he was gone. Meeran was starting to get annoyed, but he kept sending them. Probably didn’t want his men fighting a mage without a mage. 

Julian and Olivia worked a few other jobs together, some fighting and some only collecting. They got into scuffles with Athenril’s men, and Julian counted the days until they were free of the Red Iron. 

Now that the day was actually getting closer, he needed to actually talk to Varric about the job offer to see if it still stood. Julian figured Varric would be at the Hanged Man, and he figured correctly.

The dwarf was sitting at the bar in the exact place Julain had first seen him. Julian approached with less menace this time around.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, getting Varric’s attention.

“Hawke! You’re back. Here to threaten me again?”

“No. I’m here to ask about a job with the Coterie. My contract is up soon, and I don’t want to stay on Meeran’s sinking ship.”

“Glad you asked! Of course you’re welcome to join, I’ve been able to find out quite a bit about you. You’re one of Meeran’s best. I’ve also got to ask about your sister…”

Oh no. What was this about?

“What about her?”

“She’s even more valuable to Meeran, how I hear it. She would also be an asset to the Coterie.”

“She’d join too, yes,” Julian grumbled. He was being upstaged by Olivia, again. Maker, he felt like Carver sometimes.

“Great!” Varric then lowered his voice. “The Sharps have been able to get their hands on some mages of their own, we don’t want to lag behind the competition.”

“You’ll do well to keep your hands _off_ my sister.”

Varric held up his hands. “Never said anything about it. I’m not into humans.”

Then another voice joined the conversation. 

“I’m not agreeing to that,” Isabela purred. “I’ve heard about Olivia Hawke too, she sounds...intriguing.”

Julian only glared at her. 

After more negotiating, Julian was able to work out with Varric what working for the Coterie would be like. It sounded a lot better than Meeran. The Coterie were more established, more powerful. Meeran liked to pretend the Red Irons were hot shit in the gang world, but right now it was all about the Sharps and the Coterie. The only drawback to joining the Coterie was that he would need to fight some Sharps, but it was a small price to pay for more job security. Julian knew Olivia would feel the same.

Julian talked to Olivia about the deal once he got home. Unfortunately Carver was also there, but at least Leandra had gone out for a walk.

“I don’t see why I shouldn’t join too!” Carver protested. “I’m not making good money doing odd jobs, three of us with the Coterie would support the family better. We could get out of this damn house.”

“It would kill mother to have all three of us be criminals,” said Julian. Olivia nodded in agreement.

“Since when have you two cared about that? Especially you, Olivia! If you really cared what mom thought you’d be home with me.”

“I still don’t want you joining the Coterie,” replied Olivia. Carver rolled his eyes but dropped the subject. Julian knew that as mad as he was, he would listen to what the twins said. In the end, he didn’t want to hurt his mother. 


	5. A Business Proposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric has a proposition for the twins, Isabela has a proposition for Olivia. Olivia sees a familiar face in Kirkwall.

Working for the Coterie was much better than being a Red Iron. There was an inherent respect for the Coterie, being with them brought stability. Well, as much stability as Kirkwall could bring. They even did some mercenary contracts, so she didn’t have to completely switch jobs. So far a lot of what Olivia had been doing was paying visits to people who owed the Coterie and making sure they knew how upset that made them.

Today there was a merchant by the docks that Olivia had been sent to shake down. He was supposed to pay the Coterie a cut of what he made, but had been falling behind.

Olivia took long strides towards the man, and she could tell he knew why she was there.

“Jennings?” she asked, glaring. 

“Y-yes, that is me.”

“I think you know why I’m here. Pay up, the Coterie’s waiting.”

The merchant gave her a litany of excuses, a sob story, and then another excuse. Olivia couldn’t help but remember Julian questioning her ability to hurt good people. Jennings seemed alright, he had a family to feed, but so did Olivia. And if it was her family against his, she would make sure hers came out on top.

Olivia gripped Jennings by the shirt collar. “I don’t care why you’re not paying, I’m telling you to pay. You have two days to get the money or I’m coming back.”

She let the man go and lit a small flame in the palm of her hand. “I don’t think you want me coming back.”

“I-I’ll get the T-Templars-”

“And the Coterie will have you dead. I don’t think I’m worth it, personally, but I’d sure be flattered.”

Olivia was quickly gaining a reputation among the Coterie, something which Julian resented just a bit. She was a good fighter and more importantly a formidable mage. Her name had become synonymous with flame raining down from the sky and blood running down the streets. 

Julian had been trying to build a similar reputation, but he was a bit more expendable. That just further convinced Olivia he should go get a normal job like Carver, but that would never happen. Each wanted the other out of this life, and each refused to leave. That was just how it was.

As Olivia walked away from the terrified man she was stopped in her tracks by a bizarre sight.

In the middle of the street, dragging some huge object covered by a tarp, was the elf from Sundermount. Merrill. Whatever she had under the tarp looked heavy, when with her using some sort of board on wheels to transport it.

What in the Maker’s name was _Merrill_ doing in Kirkwall?

Olivia headed over to her, trying to keep the confusion off of her face. 

“Merrill?” she asked.

The elf startled and let out a squeak, then turned to Olivia.

“You!” she said, surprised. “Uh...the human! I forget your name, I’m sorry.”

“Olivia. Merrill, what are you doing here?”

“Oh! Uh...research.”

“Research?”

“Yes. The uh, the clan doesn’t approve. So I left.” Merrill squared her shoulders and stood up a little straighter. She was still short. 

Olivia was a bit floored. The Dalish didn’t just leave. That was leaving your whole family. What on earth had Merrill been thinking?

Perplexed, Olivia kept up her questioning. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, really.” she shrugged. “Trying to find a place to stay? I have money, I’ve been saving it up for a while now by secretly trading with outsiders. Although I don’t know how much a place to stay costs...It costs money, right?”

“Yeah...it costs money. You either buy or you rent. Look, Merrill…”

This was crazy. This was crazy and Kirkwall was going to chew Merrill up and spit her back out. She was too nice, too good for Kirkwall. 

“You should go back to your clan,” said Olivia. “This city is shit. You don’t want to be here.”

“Oh. Then why are you here?” Merrill asked. 

Olivia sighed. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

Merrill considered her for a moment, then furrowed her brow resolutely. “I don’t either. I had to leave, what I’m working on is too important.”

“I…” Olivia didn’t know what to say. “Okay. Okay, but let me help you find someplace.”

Why did she feel such a strong need to protect this woman she barely knew? What was wrong with her?

“Alright, that would be very helpful!” Merrill smiled. “I don’t know where anything is.”

And so Olivia led Merrill through the city, into the alienage. People stared at them, both because of the giant object trailing behind them and because Olivia was a human. They did manage to find a shitty apartment building that had units available, and a very confused landlord.

“You’re Dalish?” he had asked. “And…” he turned to Olivia, “who are you?” He eyed her with obvious suspicion. 

“She’s my friend!” Merrill told the man. 

Friends? Well, Olivia was helping her find a house...that was something friends did. But no, Olivia was just helping because Merrill had saved her life. It wasn’t because Merrill was kind and was about to be destroyed by Kirkwall. It wasn’t because she was naive and lost. It was just repaying a favor. 

Merrill got settled into the empty area, and pulled the tarp off of the object she was carrying. It was an ornate, old, and broken mirror. Merrill also had a bag with her, and it was filled with glass shards.

“What is that?” Olivia asked, somewhat in awe. There was a strange energy hanging around the mirror, a ripple in the Fade.

“An eluvian!” Merrill told her with a giddy smile. “It’s an ancient elven artifact. But it’s broken, and has been tainted by the Blight…” she looked sad for a moment, but then went back to her cheerful tone. “I’m restoring it.”

The Blight?

“How are you restoring it? The Blight kills everything it touches.” Olivia knew that all too well. She turned the ring on her finger, thinking of Bethany. 

“This isn’t dead, it’s just broken. I can fix it, I’m getting help from a spirit.”

“A...spirit? Or a demon?” Olivia had to ask. She remembered their discussion on blood magic. 

“That’s a human concept,” Merrill answered easily.

“So it is a demon?”

“I suppose you might call him that. But he’s very helpful, he was here when the eluvians were used and remembers some of what they did. They used to transport people across whole countries!”

That seemed a bit fantastical… but Olivia couldn’t ignore the feeling that mirror gave off. Maybe it was just the Blight, but it was something powerful. 

“Why are you telling me all this?” Olivia asked her.

“Because you asked?”

Olivia suppressed a groan. “You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t just tell random strangers about your work with demons.” Olivia made sure to lower her voice as she spoke. “You’ll be locked up in the gallows if anyone even discovers you’re a mage. This city...this city is dangerous for you.”

“I can take care of myself!” said Merrill, frowning slightly. 

“Look, I don’t think you can’t, but…” Olivia fumbled for the right words. “But this city is shit! It’s awful! Anyone who chooses to live here is crazy! And you’re even crazier for trying to practice blood magic here.”

Merrill still looked annoyed. “I know the risks.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” Merrill crossed her arms, standing proud. Well, Olivia couldn’t say she didn’t try. Why did the thought of Merrill getting killed for blood magic stir something in her gut? She didn’t know Merrill, Merrill wasn’t her friend. 

“Be careful. Don’t tell anyone else what this thing is,” she pointed at the mirror. “Keep it covered by the tarp when you’re not here.”

Merrill didn’t reply for a moment, so Olivia turned to leave.

“Wait.”

Olivia turned around.

“Can you show me around Kirkwall sometime? I’m afraid I’ll get lost.”

Olivia was about to agree, but stopped herself to think for a moment. Involving herself with Merrill was dangerous. Merrill herself was dangerous, and Olivia didn’t need any more danger in her life. 

But Merrill was so, so lost. She was new here and confused, she was vulnerable. And she had saved Olivia’s life, at great risk to her people. Olivia owed her.

“Sure. Day after tomorrow, I’ll stop by and I’ll show you around Lowtown. You need to explore the alienage on your own, though. I’m not wanted here.”

Merrill nodded, smiling again. She switched moods very fast.

“Thank you, Olivia. You’re a good person.”

That wasn’t true, but Olivia didn’t correct her. Olivia hurt people to protect her family, and she couldn’t even do that right…

Olivia twisted the ring on her finger as she walked away, trying not to think about what she had just gotten herself into.

__________________________________

After that crazy start to the day she went to go get herself a drink at the Hanged Man. She had been frequenting the place in order to visit Varric and be informed about what the Coterie wanted her to do next. 

Olivia was sitting by herself when Isabela sauntered over to join her. 

“A girl like you doesn’t have anyone buying you a drink? Impossible.”

Olivia didn’t know Isabela well, just knew she did odd jobs for the Coterie and used to be a pirate. They had met briefly a few times.

Olivia smiled slightly, but shook her head. “I think I scare men. Good thing I’m not interested.”

“I didn’t say anything about men,” Isabela grinned, sliding into a seat. Then, she bought Olivia a drink.

“Are you coming on to me?” Olivia asked, blunt as ever. “Because I don’t do subtlety.”

“I don’t know, am I?” Isabela replied. “If you want me to be, then yes. You’re a beautiful woman, and I know you were staring at my chest when we first met.”

Olivia felt heat rise to her face but she kept her expression blank. 

“You certainly don’t hide it.”

Isabela laughed. “I like that you’re honest.”

Isabela talked about her day to a mostly silent Olivia, but Olivia was listening. She wasn’t very good at small talk. 

Olivia had to admit, Isabela was captivating. She was gorgeous, witty, strong… If Olivia were into sleeping with people she barely knew, they would already be in a rented room. 

“I don’t want you wasting your time if you’re just trying to get into my pants,” Olivia told Isabela. “I only sleep with people I know.”

“While the prospect is certainly exciting,” Isabela replied, “I’m happy just getting to know you. You’re an enigmatic woman.”

“That’s one word for me.”

Isabela laughed again. “You’re a force of nature, from what I’ve heard. You and that brother of yours.”

“You’re not going to get anywhere with Julian,” Olivia told her right off the bat. “He prefers men.”

“Well I know that _now,_ ” Isabela sighed. “Had to find that out from Varric, of all people.”

“...how did Varric know? Are they-“

“No, no, but Varric has a way of getting people talking.”

“No kidding. Julian’s...closed off.”

“I could say the same of you.”

Olivia didn’t respond to that, which just proved Isabela’s point.

Olivia was just about to leave when she saw her brother enter with Varric.

“Ah, Little Hawke!” Varric exclaimed once they made eye contact. 

“The fuck did you just call me?” Olivia asked, crossing her arms.

“Little Hawke,” Varric said again. Like that would make it any better. “I like having funny little names for people. Your brother’s already Hawke, so you’re Little Hawke.”

“Call me that again and your new name will be on your tomb.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll workshop the name. But I was just talking about you. I have a business proposition for you and your brother here.”

“And that would be?”

In answer, Varric motioned up to his room. Olivia followed, and Isabela waved goodbye and downed the last of Olivia’s drink. 

Once the three of them were settled in, Varric spoke.

“My brother and some of his men are planning an expedition. Problem is, I don’t think his men are very good. I don’t trust them with my life, and I’m gonna be on the expedition.”

“Where is this expedition?” Julian asked suspiciously. 

“The Deep Roads.”

“No,” Julian replied instantly. “No. We’ll not be going anywhere near the Deep Roads, mother already lost one of us to the darkspawn.”

“What’s in the Deep Roads that’s worth finding?” Olivia asked. Julian gave her a sideways glance that communicated he thought she was crazy. Maybe she was, but she wanted to learn more.

“An old thaig,” Varric explained. “With the Blight just ended, there won’t be as many darkspawn down there. Ancient riches will be ours for the taking.”

Olivia thought for a moment. “Julian, we could move out of Gamlen’s house if we came into that kind of money.”

Julian looked conflicted now. “We could even...no one owns the Amell estate now. I checked for mother a while ago. If we had the money…”

“Woah,” said Varric, “what’s the story here? The Hawkes, buying an estate?”

“It’s from our mother’s side of the family,” Julian told him. Olivia rolled her eyes, she did not think they needed to waste all that money on owning an estate. They could just buy a bigger house. 

_Although…_ Olivia thought to herself. _Living in Hightown would keep Carver and mother safe. And we would all be able to have our own space._

Just the thought of more space made Olivia yearn for it. She spent half her free time wandering the city just so she didn’t have to sit practically on top of her family. 

“Is what’s in the deep roads enough to purchase a hightown estate?”

“Yup, and you could furnish it.” Varric looked smug, like the Hawkes joining was a forgone conclusion. Maybe it was. Olivia and Julian could support the family like this, but they were years away from home ownership. Especially not in Hightown.

“I’ll go,” Julian said. Olivia didn’t like the way he said that.

“We’ll go,” Olivia added, a bit firmly. 

Julian looked at her. “You don’t need to go, Olivia. Think of how much mother will worry.”

“I don’t give a damn!” Olivia frowned. “And I’m better suited to the Deep Roads than you. I’m a mage.”

“There is lyrirum in the Deep Roads…” Varric pointed out. “Isn’t that stuff lethal to mages in its raw form?”

“It is,” Julian said.

“Then I’ll avoid touching a glowing blue rock,” Olivia added, raising an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t be too hard.”

Julian looked like he still wanted to argue. Olivia wouldn’t let him.

“I’m not sitting at home while you risk your life.”

She was going to be firm about this. Olivia knew that if Leandra heard of this plan, she would want Julian to go alone. She had so many expectations about Julian, had faith in him… Jealousy wasn’t a useful emotion, and envy was a demon, so Olivia cut off that train of thought. Fuck whatever her mother wanted, she was going on this expedition.

“We’re in,” Olivia said. “Both of us.”

“Great!” Varric clapped his hands together. “It’s not for a while yet, which is good because there is an, uh, entrance fee.”

Olivia glared at Varric. 

“Oh, funny you wait until now to mention that,” said Julian. 

“I’m sure you can get the money together in time. You both have stable jobs.”

“You know what the Coterie pays,” Olivia frowned. “It’s better than the Red Iron, but we’re the lowest rank possible.”

“Pick up a few odd jobs, maybe? Do extra work?” Varric suggested. “I’ll even help you find that work. I’m invested in you both coming with me too, I think you’ll be an asset. There is...uh, another thing though.”

Julian rolled his eyes so hard the whole room should have shaken. 

“By the Maker, man, what now?” he asked. 

“In order for this thing to happen at all, we need some extra help navigating. Maps. Problem is, the only ones with maps of the Deep Roads are Gray Wardens. Now, I heard rumors there is a Gray Warden with these maps hidden away somewhere in Kirkwall.”

“There is no Gray Warden presence in Kirkwall,” said Julian.

“I didn’t say officially. I’ve just heard whispers. I think this man’s a defector or something.”

 _Shit. Fuck. Maker damn it._ Olivia...had a confession to make.


	6. Julian is a Bastard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins go back to Darktown. Julian makes a bad first impression.

Julian looked over at his sister. She was averting her eyes, which was unusual. To someone who didn’t know Olivia, barely any change would be discernible. To Julian, she looked nervous.

“I know a Gray Warden in Kirkwall,” Olivia said.

_What? Since when?_

“No shit,” said Varric, “really? Maybe he’s the guy. There can’t be that many of them. And this person deserted?”

“He’s not with them anymore, doesn’t wear their colors. I don’t think the Wardens retire, so I’m assuming he deserted.”

Who on earth was Olivia talking about? Julian and Olivia spent a good bit of time at work together, and as far as he knew her only friend in Kirkwall was Aveline.

“Julian,” Olivia said, still nervous. “I’m sorry.”

“...Sorry for what?” he asked, brow furrowed.

“I lied to you. A bunch of times.”

Where was this going? Julian was pretty sure it was going someplace bad.

“The Darktown Healer is a Gray Warden,” Olivia told Varric. 

The Darktown Healer? Olivia had met him, the man that Julian spent weeks trying to track down during his last stretch of time as a Red Iron?

 _Wait a minute…,_ thought Julian. _If she’s saying she’s sorry, then…_

“You warned him!” Julian exclaimed, putting the pieces together. “You know this Darktown Healer and you warned him every time I went down there looking for him!”

Olivia looked resolute. “And I’d do it again.” All traces of nervousness were gone. “He saved my life, after that fight with the ex-templar.”

Julian had wondered how she’d gotten out of that battle...and she had been in Darktown… 

Olivia kept explaining. “The Templar was going to kill me after he’d drained my magic, but the healer stepped in and fought him off. The Templar ran and the healer treated my wounds. I wasn’t going to let you menace him.”

“One good deed doesn’t mean he’s off limits,” Julian grumbled. “Plenty of people do good deeds, and we still hurt them.”

“It wasn’t just any good deed, he saved my life. If someone saves my life, I owe them.”

Julian put his head in his hands for a moment. “That’s his choice to save your life, you don’t owe him shit!”

Olivia just looked at him with steel in her eyes. She wasn’t sorry. Not that Julian thought she would be. As tough as Olivia was on the outside, that damn bleeding heart of hers would get her into trouble. She kept herself to a code of honor, which wasn’t something people like them could afford to have. 

“I think the main takeaway here,” said Varric, “is that Olivia might have a lead on those maps.”

Yes, Julian supposed that was the takeaway. 

“Shall we go to Darktown, then?” Julian asked, already tired of this damn day. 

——————————

Darktown stank, it was always slightly damp, and it was full of refugees giving him the stink eye. Maybe they still remembered him coming down here in search of the healer. 

Olivia took the lead, opening the door to the clinic. Inside Julian saw a man working over a cot where a child lay unconscious. Then Julian noticed the state that the child leg was in. His shin was bent where it shouldn’t be, there was blood everywhere, and there was bone visible. 

Julian stiffened slightly, wincing in sympathy. The man by the cot must have cast some kind of sleep spell on the child, and now his hands were glowing with a blue light. Carefully, the man bent the bone back into place and the glowing intensified. He held the leg in place and the only movement was the pulsing light. The man knelt like that for at least a full minute, the whole room silent. Even the child’s parents were quiet in the corner, probably holding their breath. 

Finally, the glowing stopped and the healer turned to look at the parents. They rushed over and thanked him profusely. He brushed their thanks off, told them that their son would wake in an hour and that he should be resting his leg for at least a week. The mother scooped the child up in her arms and the parents left. 

It was only after the parents left that the healer noticed them. He startled slightly, got to his feet quickly and swayed. He looked exhausted. The man was willowy, thin and as tall as Julian. 

He looked at Julian for a moment before noticing Olivia. Then he looked back at Julian, and his posture stiffened. One hand glowed slightly as he looked Julian over.

“It’s okay, Anders,” said Olivia. The healer, “Anders” evidently, looked confused now.

“You’re not here to threaten me?” he asked, not taking his eyes off Julian. Julian met his gaze and frowned deeply. 

“No, we don’t work for the Red Iron anymore,” Olivia explained. 

“Quit the life, then?” he asked Olivia.

“We’re with the Coterie now.”

“Oh. Well, at least you’re not here for me. But, uh, what are you and...your brother?” he looked at Olivia questioningly. She nodded. “What are you and your brother doing here?” 

“We’re looking for maps of the Deep Roads.”

As soon as she said that, the healer shifted uncomfortably. He had them.

“Why do you want them?” he asked. 

“We’re going on an expedition to the Deep Roads,” Varric explained. “We need to know what we’re up against.”

“Are you mad?” the healer asked, incredulous. 

Olivia shrugged. “We need the money from whatever we find down there.”

“Money…” the healer shook his head. “Maker, you are mad. No money is worth fighting through darkspawn.”

Julian scoffed. “Then you’re not thinking of enough money. You’re going to give us those maps.”

The healer pulled a face. “Says who? Look…” he paused for a moment, clearly thinking. “Alright. I’ll give you the maps, if...you do me a favor.”

“What kind of favor?” Olivia asked. Julian was also suspicious. 

“I need to rescue a friend from the Gallows.”

“No,” Julian said before Olivia could speak. “That’s insane. No.”

“Julian,” Olivia muttered, “let’s think for a second.”

“No!” Julian let a little too much emotion show on his face. “No, you are not going anywhere near the Gallows.” Olivia would be captured. She wouldn’t last a day in that barbaric place, Julian had heard stories. “And I’m not going either, no one gets out of the Gallows. We’ll be killed.”

The healer’s expression hardened. “Then you won’t get your maps.” 

Julian crossed his arms. “You’re outnumbered,” he said. “Give us the maps and we’ll leave.”

Olivia’s eyes widened for a moment, and she stepped in front of Julian. 

“Don’t threaten him! Remember how he saved my life?”

“He has something we want.” Julian replied. He looked over Olivia’s shoulder and locked eyes with the healer. “Give us the fucking maps or I’ll break your kneecaps.”

“I can heal them,” the healer replied, smiling a crooked smile. 

“You’re not funny.”

“I’m a little funny.”

Julian had had enough of this. “Olivia, step out of the way.” He gripped his sword, ready to strike. He would shove Olivia’s smaller frame out of the way if need be.

“Not a fucking chance,” Olivia growled. She took out her staff, flames swirling. “Back off, now. We’re not hurting him.”

Was Olivia really doing this? Was she really about to fight her brother for a man she barely knew, just because he saved her life once?

“We need those maps,” Julian argued, “and we’re not going on some suicide mission for this man!”

“We didn’t even hear his plan!”

“His plan to break into the Gallows?!”

“You only let him get two words out before you-”

Julian noticed a soft click. Varric cocked his crossbow, aiming at the healer. 

“I’ll settle this. Give us the maps, Blondie.”

“Varric!” Olivia exclaimed. 

_Good for Varric,_ Julian thought. Olivia knew she couldn’t stop Varric faster than he could shoot, and knew he was a good shot.

“This is a very bad idea,” the healer said, suddenly serious. “You don’t want to fight me.”

“We can take one mage,” Julian said with confidence.

The healer shook his head, almost as if laughing to himself. What the fuck was that about?

“I don’t want to hurt you,” the healer continued. 

“You should worry about yourself,” said Julian.

Many things happened at once. Julian took the moment Olivia’s concentration slipped and darted past her, rushing at the healer with his sword. The healer raised his staff, Olivia yelled, Varric shot. 

Julian was pushed off his feet by some kind of blast, the healer yelled as he was pierced by Varric’s arrow. Olivia ran forward and tackled Julian as he fell, trying to pin him to the ground. Olivia may be strong, but he was stronger. Once he pushed her off, he got to his feet and saw the healer rip the arrow out of his side. Tough bastard. 

Something in the air changed, and for a moment Julian saw blue cracks beginning to cover the healer. His eyes glowed blue. It was all over in one moment though, as the healer yelled and stumbled back, clutching his arms to his chest.

“No..no,” he muttered to himself. Julian was confused as fuck, but he took the moment to advance. He was about one foot away from the healer when the man spoke.

“Fine! Take the maps! I’ll give you the maps…”

Olivia scrambled to her feet and Varric stowed his crossbow. 

No one spoke as the healer went to rummage through a crate and retrieved a stack of parchment. “Here,” he said, tired. He reached out to hand Julian the maps.

Julian took them without a word. He could tell Olivia was absolutely livid.

“Is that all you wanted?” the healer asked the room. He sounded shaken, almost winded. The man then brought out healing magic to treat his puncture wound. 

Julian said nothing, and turned to leave. He could hear Olivia saying something to the healer but he kept walking. 

Varric kept in step with him fairly well for someone about half his size, and Olivia lagged behind.

The walk was silent until they all had to get on the lift out of Darktown.

“You’re a bastard,” Olivia said darkly. “You both are.”

Julian didn’t reply. He knew he was a bastard, but he got the maps. He hadn’t expected Varric to help him be a bastard, but he was glad for the help. He couldn’t have gone toe to toe with Olivia and won on his own. He was stronger, but she was a mage.

The group parted ways in Lowtown, and Olivia was silent. Julian gave Varric the maps and arranged another meeting to talk about the expedition. 

As they walked back home, Olivia still said nothing. 

Carver and Leandra were both at the house, and both of them noticed the tension between the twins. 

Olivia set her staff in the closet where she kept it and then went back for the door. 

“Where are you going?” Asked Julian. 

“Why do you care?” Was Olivia’s answer. She left, and left behind the mother of all awkward silences. Julian didn’t care much for awkward silence, so he just went to his and Carver’s room and started taking off his leather armor. Carver evidently had a different approach to dealing with awkward silences.

“Julian!” he called angrily as he followed his brother. Carver leaned in the doorway, frowning. “What was that about? Why is Olivia so pissed at you?”

“Work dispute. Speaking, of...I have something to tell you and mother.” When Julian was done with his armor he returned to what counted as a dining room in this house. It had a table.

“I’ve found a way to make the kind of money we need to buy back the Amell estate.”

Leandra’s eyes lit up, and Carver looked surprised and then suspicious. 

“It’s dangerous,” said Julian, “but it’ll be worth it to move out of this shit hole. A man from the Coterie is getting together an expedition for ancient artifacts. In the Deep Roads.”

Leandra’s excitement was gone. “And Olivia is going with you?”

 _Good, she doesn’t seem to mind me going._ Julian could have interpreted that as Leandra valuing him less, but he knew better. Leandra trusted him to take care of the family.

“Yes, she wants to,” Julian admitted. “I’ll find a way of making her stay here.”

“Let me come with you,” said Carver. Julian opened his mouth to object but Carver kept talking. “If I go, someone will have to stay here with mother. That person can be Olivia.”

“Please don’t go, Carver,” Leandra pleaded. “I already lost Beth, I couldn’t lose you too.”

“Mother is right. You will stay here. Only one of us needs to risk their life for this, and it’s going to be me.”

Carver looked a bit put out, but like usual that translated into anger. “Good luck getting Olivia to agree to that,” he said.

“I’m working on it. I’ll find a way.”

“Please do,” said Leandra. “I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to my other daughter. Why does she never listen to me?” Leandra bemoaned. 

Julian knew of all the reasons, but he didn’t say anything because he was pretty sure Leandra wouldn’t like hearing them. While Julian did agree that Leandra tried to control Olivia, this control manifested into safety. Olivia could take care of herself, Julian knew that, but… just the thought of another dead sister caused his chest to tighten. Distantly he heard a crunch of bones, the fall of a body. 

_No matter what, Olivia is not going to the Deep Roads._ He would make sure of that.

________________________________

Olivia trudged through the Lowtown streets, headed towards the docks. She had no particular destination in mind, she was just angry. Angry at Julian, angry at herself. 

She may not know Anders well, but she knew he did good for the Fereldan refugees. And Olivia had led her stupid brother right to him. While she knew she could take Julian down in a fight, she hadn’t factored in Varric.

There was no need to threaten a healer. They could have helped him with his favor...it did seem dangerous, but danger was what the Hawke twins did! Now they also alienated a potential ally. Anders was a Gray Warden, his help would be invaluable for the Deep Roads. Before Julian had stepped in to fuck everything up, Olivia had been thinking. She could have offered to help with the favor if Anders agreed to come with them. It was a big ask, but so was breaking into the Gallows. Anders seemed reasonable, it could have worked. 

Well, no point thinking about that now. Olivia’s angry steps took her to the docks, and she stood with nowhere to go. She was thinking of walking down to Darktown to apologize again, when she saw a familiar face. 

Aveline was sitting on a stack of crates off to the side, drinking from a canteen of water and looking off into the sea. Olivia didn’t see Aveline much these days, what with Aveline being a city guard and her being a Coterie. Nevertheless, Olivia walked over to join her. She could use someone who had a few morals right now.

“Hi,” she said before sitting down. Aveline looked startled, but didn’t object. For a few moments they shared a companionable silence. 

“How’s the guard?” Olivia asked awkwardly. 

Aveline sighed. “Fine. It’s fine, but...well… I’m just tired.”

“Same. Tired of what?”

“The corruption,” Aveline replied. “When the guard is good, we break our backs trying to help this wretched city. But some people...They take bribes.”

“I know. I’ve bribed a guard.”

Aveline let out a long sigh. “Of course you did. You probably know about the Frossards.”

They were a family in Hightown with connections to the Sharps, and they were untouchable. 

“Know all about them,” said Olivia, “They fund the people trying to kill me.”

Aveline looked a bit startled by this, but Olivia waved her off. “Turf wars. I give as much as I get, don’t worry.”

“That does not reassure me,” said Aveline. “But the Frossards… the guard captain is friends with them.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why they’re never caught. It’s an open secret.”

“That’s why I’m tired,” said Aveline. “This isn’t the only thing but...It’s just the latest.”

“Not what you signed up for?” Olivia asked.

“I signed up to protect people, and letting the Frossards get away isn’t helping.”

“You do what you can,” Olivia told her. “But some things won’t change. The guard picking favorites for favors from the nobles doesn’t change, and there’s nothing you can do about that.”

“Why not?” Aveline asked in frustration, “there should be.”

“But there isn’t. If you make a move against the Frossards you’ll die. You’re only one woman if you’re not acting with the rest of the guard.”

“I know…” Aveline muttered. “I know all this, I just...wish it was different.”

“Me too,” Olivia admitted. “I just did something I’m not proud of. Well, Julian did and I couldn’t stop him. Point is we hurt someone who was only doing good, because that’s who we are and who we have to be. We have to be because the world is like this.”

“But…” Aveline inquired, “you’re still upset.”

“...Yeah. Yeah, I’m upset.”

“You could quit.”

“No way. I’m supporting my family, this is all I can do. All I’ve ever done. I’m not suited for work that isn’t fighting.”

“You could join the guard.”

Olivia actually laughed. “Aveline, that’s ridiculous. You know what I am.”

“Oh,” said Aveline, like she just remembered. “Right. That.”

“There’s no good work for people like me. My father was a good man, but this was his work too. Because of what he was.”

“Your father could have stayed,” said Aveline quietly. “It was his choice to live that life, and now he gave you no choice.”

Anger flared inside Olivia. “If my father stayed, I wouldn’t exist.”

“What I was trying to say is that you really have no choice, your father had one.”

“The Circle isn’t a choice,” said Olivia. “Not for him, and not for me.” 

“You’ve never been to a Circle, how do you know it’s so bad?”

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “My father had stories.”

“He was from the Gallows, correct?”

“Yes.”

“It’s not like that everywhere, surely. You would have been in Kinloch Hold.”

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s just...not talk about this. We aren’t going to agree.” Olivia cast a quick glance at the shield that Aveline still carried. 

Julian may think Olivia naive, but Olivia knew exactly who Aveline was. Aveline wouldn’t turn her in, but Aveline also supported the Circle as an institution. Sure, she thought they were a little harsh, once Olivia had explained how she would have been separated from her family, but they were doing a greater good. It was an argument Olivia had had with her, one which she didn’t wish to repeat. If Olivia and Aveline had met under any other circumstances, they would have hated each other. Olivia preferred to count her as a friend, despite their difference. Aveline may be wrong, but she was a good person. 

And that thought led her back to Julian, who did not like Aveline and did not like Olivia spending time with her. Screw him, always trying to control her. Olivia could decide what was “safe” for her on her own. 

If she wanted to be friends with the city guard widow of a Templar, that was her choice. If she wanted to go to the Deep Roads to bring money to her family, that was her choice. Leandra and Julian didn’t get to decide what was too big a risk.


	7. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More stuff happens.

Olivia thought she was having a pretty good day, at first. A weird day, but a good one. First she heard from Varric that some Coterie higher ups were pleased with her work. That was nice, it meant she would have an easier time advancing in the organization. Then later that day she went to pick up Merrill from her house. She had, naturally, not explained where she was going to her family. She was still mad at Julian, she didn’t want to spend any more time with him than she had to.

Olivia decided she liked Merrill, as weird as she was. She was curious about everything, found wonder in the most mundane aspects of Kirkwall life. Her fatal flaw was how open she was. She talked too loudly about magic, for one thing. She was also a very easy target for pickpockets. Olivia had beat at least two off her, and she immediately sympathized with them.

“Maybe they need the money more than me,” Merrill contemplated. 

“They don’t,” Olivia told her. “You don’t have a job yet, right?”

Merrill shook her head. “No, but I’ve been looking! Not many people want to hire me, not even in the alienage. Some of them think I’m too foreign. I suppose they are right, though, so I can’t fault them there…”

“No, fault them,” Olivia insisted. “There’s plenty of people who won’t hire me or my family because we’re from Ferelden. Being foreign doesn’t mean we’re worse at work.”

“You’re foreign too?” Merrill gasped, eyes wide. “I never would have known! You just look like you know what you’re doing.”

“I’ve been here a year,” Olivia explained. “I had to learn fast. You will too, don’t worry.”

Okay, maybe Olivia wasn’t sure about that. But she didn’t want Merrill to worry. Merrill was her friend now, at least according to Merrill. Olivia couldn’t also help but see every mage she met as Bethany, just a little bit. Even the capable healer in Darktown was some form of Bethany in the back of her mind. They were all vulnerable in the same way Bethany was, and Olivia felt the pull to protect them. Merrill especially could not fall to the Gallows, she wouldn’t last a day. She would be killed as soon as anyone figured out she was a blood mage. 

Olivia knew to question chantry dogma, but she never thought she would be friends with a blood mage. The whole thing still made Olivia’s skin crawl, but she couldn’t deny Merrill was hurting no one. 

The day took a turn for the worst when someone recognized Olivia’s staff, but not for the usual reasons. It wasn’t that they knew it was a staff, it was that the person was a Sharp and recognized the mage that worked for the Coterie was alone save for one very small elf. The man had tapped his friend’s shoulder and the two had run at Olivia with their knives out. Various residents of Lowtown scattered, used to fights in the streets but not eager to get involved in them. 

Olivia dodged the first man, weaving easily out of the way and turning her staff blade up to slice into his arm. She swung her staff around to hit the other sharp, and was prepared for this fight to end early when more showed up from the shadows. She must have walked right through some sort of gathering at the worst moment. Fuck.

Merrill was quicker to turn to magic than Olivia was, already using vines to tangle around the feet of the Sharps and using force to send them away. Thankfully she hadn’t brought out the blood magic, but even regular magic would be a death sentence. Once this fight was over, Olivia had to get Merrill out of here fast.

Someone else joined in and fought with Olivia, which confused her for a second before she recognized the man as Brekker. He was a high-ranking member of the Coterie. The few times Olivia and he had met he looked at her with distaste, but even he must know she was a valuable asset. The man fought well, and brutally. 

Olivia needed to get Merrill away from the fight, she figured Brekker could handle it. There was only a few men left, and-

Pain shot through Olivia’s side. There was an archer farther off. Olivia glanced at the arrow and cursed, running to take cover in an alley. She could hear Merrill farther off, following. As soon as Olivia took cover, however, she felt more blossoming across her body, originating from the wound. Then her legs felt weak, and she was stumbling as she ran. 

Olivia ended up on the ground, back to the brick wall as she realized she had been poisoned. Before she even had time to panic, Merrill was at her side.

“What’s wrong?” she was saying, eyes filled with concern. Then she saw the arrow. “Oh, creators! Oh, um I don’t think we’re supposed to just rip it out but-”

“Rip it out, it’s poisoned,” Olivia grunted out. Merrill acted on her words quickly, and Olivia gasped in pain as she did so.

“We need to go...to Darktown…” Olivia said weakly. But could they get there fast enough, or would she die because of some bastard with an arrow?

“No, I’ve got this!” Merrill said, steel in her eyes. Merrill brought her hands together and channeled the fade, and Olivia felt the pain in her side flare up. Blood was pouring out of the wound unnaturally fast, and Olivia was about to panic before she realized that Merrill was controlling the flow. It spun around her hands in ribbons, and bit by bit Olivia felt better. Merrill had gotten here in time to leech the poison out of her body before it spread. Olivia still felt weak, but she was no longer afraid of dying. 

“By the Maker!” someone exclaimed. It was Brekker, who had followed them into the alley.

“You’re...you’re a-”

“Not another word!” yelled Olivia, before lowering her voice. “Not another word about what she is. You didn’t...you didn’t see anything, or...or I’ll find you and make you regret it.”

Brekker glared at her, but didn’t look afraid. Probably because Olivia was still on the ground and in pain.

“I wasn’t gonna turn her in,” he said, giving Merrill an appraising look. “In fact...we at the Coterie could use someone like you.”

“No,” said Olivia. No way was she letting Merrill get involved in this life. Merrill seemed to have another idea.

“You mean join your group?” she asked. “You’re criminals, right?”

“Yeah. That a problem for you, blood mage?” Brekker drawled. 

“No, not at all. Just making sure.”

“Merrill,” Olivia warned her, “don’t agree to anything. These people, they’re-”

“We’ll pay you better than any work you could find in the alienage,” Brekker cut Olivia off. “I’ve heard your kind can track people using their blood, can control people’s minds.”

“I can track people, but I won’t control minds. It’s not right.” There went Merrill, talking about her principles to Brekker of all people. This could not be happening. Why wasn’t Brekker running scared, weren’t blood mages scary? 

“Back off of her,” Olivia told Brekker. “We don’t need another mage.” Olivia got to her feet, feeling woozy. Blood loss.

“You don’t know what she knows,” he said. “The Sharps are throwing around some powerful influence in hightown, and rumor has it they’ve got someone like her. We need an edge or they could gain ground.”

Of course, this was about the war. Why both factions couldn’t just stay on their side of the road was beyond Olivia. 

“Can I think about your offer?” Merrill asked, far to sweet and naive for what she was getting herself into.

“Alright,” said Brekker. Then he turned to Olivia. “Deliver us her answer by the end of the week. If I find out you didn’t, you’ll be sorry.”

Fuck him. Fuck him, but he was right. He was more powerful than her, he was her superior. Damn him. Olivia shot him one last glare before he left.

Merrill turned to Olivia, looking a bit self conscious. 

“I’m sorry about that,” she told Olivia. “I know you don’t want me talking to him...but...I do need a job.”

“This isn’t just any job, you could get thrown in jail.”

“Well that’s already true just for being a mage,” Merrill reasoned.

“You’ll have to kill people.”

This caused Merrill to hesitate. 

“I know. But I need money, I need to be able to work on the eluvian here. And...and to do that I will have to make sacrifices. That’s what Audacity told me.”

“Your demon?”

“Spirit.”

_Right._

“That’s why I have to think,” Merrill continued. “I’ll look for other work, but if I don’t find anything...I’m taking the offer. We’re friends, Olivia, but you can’t stop me. My old friends tried to.”

This struck Olivia. The familiarity of it. At this moment, she was Leandra and Merrill was her. What right did Olivia have to dictate Merrill’s life? Merrill wasn’t her family, Olivia didn’t need to protect her. This was a bad idea, but perhaps this was Merrill’s mistake to make. 

“Please, don’t take the job,” Olivia told her. Despite everything she had just concluded, she still didn’t want to see Merrill put in harm’s way. She didn’t want Merrill working for the Coterie. 

“I need to go back to the alienage,” Merrill said, something hard in her voice. The openness was gone. “Could you help me find my way back?”

“Of course.”

On the walk back, Olivia felt the distance growing. Merrill clearly did not take kindly to Olivia’s advice. Where once Merrill’s presence was inviting, now she had put up a wall between herself and Olivia. Though it was stupid, Olivia felt properly chastised. And sad. When the two women parted ways, it was with an even greater distance.

____________________________

Julian had noticed Olivia avoiding him. Even on missions together, something felt different. This kind of perplexed Julian, because Olivia was no stranger to doing the wrong thing for the right reason. There was always collateral damage, Olivia understood that. What made that damn healer any different than the rest of the poor sods in Darktown?

Right now Julian was at the Hanged Man, waiting for the next mission from Varric. Julian was happy with his solitude, but evidently Isabela was not. 

“Hey handsome,” she flirted, taking a seat next to him. 

“You know, I took the table closest to the corner for a reason.”

Isabela shrugged. “Hm, never thought of that. Anyway, what happened with you and Olivia? She’s pissed.”

“Why do you care?”

“...I like gossip?”

The worst part was Julian believed her. That was probably her only motivation. 

“That’s between us.”

“Fine, be a spoilsport. Varric’s ready for you upstairs, by the way.”

Julian got up from his seat, asking “what is your job with the Coterie, anyway?”

“I’m a freelancer. I help out here and there.”

“Sounds like you.” Julian walked up the stairs.

Varric was lounging in his favorite chair like usual. 

“Hawke,” the man greeted. 

“Varric. So, I heard there was a job for me.”

“Two jobs, actually. And on the second one you’re taking your sister.”

“She’ll be pleased,” Julian deadpanned. 

Varric laughed. “Anyway, the first one should be easy enough. There’s a supply cache in Darktown…”

Julian resisted groaning when that name was mentioned.

“The Sharps are starting to work with Athenril to smuggle some lyrium. If the Sharps start competing with the Carta on the lyrium market, that’s not great for us. We need to ensure that the Carta stays top dog, because the Carta will work with us. Rumors have tracked down one of their drop locations to Darktown, right around where that clinic was.”

This time Julian did groan. 

“I know, I know, it’s not exactly like we’re friends with the guy. Hopefully you two won’t cross paths, but you need to find that supply cache and report the results back, hopefully taking some of the goods with you. Think you can handle that?”

“I know I can,” Julian told him. 

“Good. The other job is actually a mercenary gig, which you should be familiar with. Some guy named Anso needs some Sharps taken care of. He used to run with them and now they’re hunting him down. The Coterie has a vested interest in more dead Sharps so he came to us and payed for some of our best fighters. That would be you and Olivia. You’re to meet him near the alienage tonight.”

“It’s gonna be a long day,” Julian remarked. “Who says Olivia will even be free at that time?”

“You two have a social life?”

Varric had him there. Julian headed out for his first task of the day. 

————————-

It seemed rumor of his confrontation with the healer had reached the denizens of Darktown, because the glares were even more harsh. Everyone was too afraid to approach him though, so he made his way through the sewers unbothered. 

He got even more suspicious glances as he wandered about looking for the supply cache. Darktown contained all manner of boarded up structures and dark corners to hide things in, but mostly Julian just found people. For all he complained about Gamlen’s house, this was the alternative for the Hawkes if Gamlen hadn’t taken them in. Had to be grateful to the prick for something.

As Julian continued his search he thought of how the rest of the night would go. On his way to Darktown he had actually run into Olivia and informed her of the meeting place and time of their mission. Julian had expected to find Olivia still pissed at him, but she had just looked sad. Julian wondered what that was about, but didn’t feel it was his place to ask. 

Finally, Julian found a hidden door without anyone sleeping on the other side of it. He had to squeeze through the opening, but once he was inside in the dim light filtering in he could see crates. He was just about to open one when he was stabbed. 

The man had been hiding in the shadows, waiting for his chance to attack. Julian grunted in pain but quickly unsheathed his sword, turning to face the man. His side hurt like a bitch, but he did his best to stand tall. 

Julian rushed the attacker, paying no mind to the bleeding. He sliced through the other man’s chest plate, drawing blood himself. He was about to finish the job when he felt more pain. There had been another man in the room, and he had just driven another dagger into Julian’s gut. Before Julian could retaliate, the man twisted the knife cruelly and pulled it out so as to inflict as much internal damage as possible. Julian’s whole world swayed as pain enveloped his body, and his knees hit the ground. 

The man who had stabbed Julian then had a hand around his throat, squeezing. Julian’s vision blurred as his eyes watered, but before he could think of a way to retaliate, the man was knocked backwards by a bolt of energy. 

It was a spell Julian recognized, one his father had taught Olivia early on. Julian half expected to see Olivia standing there in Darktown, but as he turned to look he blacked out. 

Julian opened his eyes and he was on the floor, staring at the ceiling. His midsection was practically on fire it hurt so bad, and some kind of awful tingling was spreading over his body. For a moment he worried he had been poisoned, but he quickly figured out it was because magic was being used on him. 

Kneeling over his prone body, spreading magic across his wounds, was the healer. Even though the magic hurt at first, the pain ebbed away slightly. Slightly was an important word, because it still fucking hurt.

“Wh-“ Julian started to say, but was cut off quickly. 

“Good, you’re awake. Might not be too good actually, now that I think of it. Do you want me to put you to sleep while I keep working?”

“No...fucking...way…”

“Okay, have it your way…” the healer muttered as he changed the spell somewhat. A new wave of pain shot through Julian’s body and he lurched, only to be pinned down by surprisingly strong arms. 

“Stay still,” the healer chided. 

“Why...are you doing this?” Julian asked through gritted teeth. 

“To stop you from dying?”

“No, I mean-“ fuck it hurt really bad, “I mean why me. I th-threatened to break your kneecaps.”

“Oh, yes,” the healer drawled, “remind me of that again.” Julian could tell the man was rolling his eyes. 

Julian was about to say something witty when he passed out again. The next moment he opened his eyes, he was somewhere else. Still Darktown, probably...but not in the supply cache. 

The clinic. He was lying on a cot in the clinic. 

_How in the Maker’s holy name did that healer get me here...I’m twice his weight soaking wet._

Julian sat up and immediately regretted it when his midsection flared like it was on fire.

“Don’t sit up yet,” came the healer’s voice.

“Thanks...for telling me…” Julian said through gritted teeth. 

Julian tried to relax against the uncomfortable cot, but he didn’t like being prone in front of someone else...didn’t like the weakness. 

“Why did you save me?” Julian asked, rolling over onto his side so that he could at least see the man he was talking to. 

The healer let out a snort of laughter. “Because you were about to die? The man who stabbed you had a serrated knife, without magical healing you would have died of internal bleeding.”

“Pleasant thought. You didn’t answer me though.”

“Saving people is what I do, you brute. You clearly wouldn’t know anything about that.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I know enough. You hurt people, you throw your strength around to get what you want.”

“Then why did you save me?”

“See my first statement. I may not like you, but you don’t deserve to die. And Olivia would be quite sad if you died, I imagine.”

Alarm bells went off in Julian’s head. How close had the two gotten while Julian hadn’t noticed? He knew Olivia wasn’t involved with the man, not with any man, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t suffer for the association.

“You’re on first name basis with my sister?”

The healer laughed. “Olivia came around a lot, warning me about you. She’s also a capable woman, you don’t need to growl quite so much.”

Julian wanted to growl more right now. 

“So you’re friends?”

“Not friends, no, but she’s pleasant company. A fellow apostate and all that.”

Julian tried to relax into the cot. The healer was right, Olivia could make her own friends. There were just so many dangers in Kirkwall, so many ways a mage could get hurt or killed. Julian had to always be on the lookout. He couldn’t let what happened to Bethany happen to her.

“You look out for her often, then?” The healer asked, sitting on another cot and looking at Julian, far more serious than he had been. 

“All the time.”

“Good. That’s good. Maker knows a mage in Kirkwall needs that. I’m glad she has family like you.”

Julian snorted. “Not how she sees it, I assure you.”

“Many people don’t know what they have. You keep looking out for her.”

“You’re weirdly fond of Olivia for someone who barely knows her.”

“Like I said, a mage in Kirkwall. She’s one of my people, I wish her the best.”

“That’s a lot to care about someone just because they’re a mage.”

The healer turned to him with a look that showed passion burning beneath the surface. “No one else cares for mages, so I will. We all deserve someone who cares.”

That was noble, Julian gave him that. Stupid, but noble.

“So you care for all mages? I’m not sure they deserve your care. Some mages are bastards, you know.”

“I do, because someone must,” the healer replied hotly. Like he was standing on a podium in front of a crowd. He really meant all this stuff, this man was really just selfless. How the fuck was he still alive?

Julian spent a few hours in the clinic on the hard cot, watching patients come in and go out. Eventually Julian was able to sit up, and then walk around. When walking produced only a dull ache, Julian announced he was leaving. 

“No you’re not,” was the healer’s easy reply. Julian actually laughed, because this man seemed to think he had any control of what Julian did. 

“I’m serious!” The healer insisted. “You’re in no condition to fight like that, and I have a feeling you’re going to go fight.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Because getting into fights is what you people do.”

Okay, he had him there.

“My gut just hurts a little, I’ll be fine.”

The healer frowned. “It could flare up again. Do you want that to happen in the middle of a fight?”

“If it does I’ll power through it. I’ve done it before.”

“It’s that kind of inaction that will get you killed in a real fight. I learned that in the Wardens. Where are you going?”

“None of your damn business.”

The healer sighed, then massaged his brow. 

“Alright,” he said, “I’m coming with you.”

“What?” Julian asked, trying to impart through a single word how stupid that was. “I don’t need a babysitter. You don’t even like me-“

“For Olivia, not for you. I don’t want her to lose a brother because he wants to be an idiot.” The healer leveled him with a stern look. 

“Fine,” Julian sighed. “If you want to be an accessory to a crime, fine by me. Olivia will be there though, and she won’t be happy.”


	8. Awkward Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins meet someone new.

Olivia was waiting near the alienage, tapping her foot impatiently. Julian still hasn’t shown up, and she was starting to get worried. This was where Anso had said he’d be too, and where he thought the Sharps would make their move against him. As the time drew nearer, Olivia slipped into the shadows of a rundown building and waited for either Anso or the Sharps. She had this even if Julian didn’t show up. 

Anso, a dwarf it turns out, found Olivia before Julian did. Or rather, Olivia startled him. She quickly introduced herself to the nervous looking man. 

“Weren’t there supposed to be two of you?” He asked, trying to sound casual.

“My brother’s on his way, but I’m more than enough for the Sharps on my own.”

The dwarf was suddenly avoiding her eyes, which set off alarm bells. He also looked a little too nervous for what he set up. Could he have another plan?

Before that train of thought could continue, she heard footsteps and turned to see Julian walking towards them. Julian, and Anders. Now Olivia was confused.

“What are you doing here?” Olivia demanded of the healer. 

“Making sure your brother doesn’t get himself killed is what,” Anders retorted. “He got stabbed earlier today.”

Olivia’s eyebrows shot up, but Julian only shrugged. “Only hurts a little now. The healer here patched me up.”

“I have a name you know. Wait, you _do_ know my name, right?”

“...Anderson?”

“Anders.”

“Gentlemen!” Anso interrupted. “Can we get-get on task? The Sharps will be here soon-“

Someone screamed off in the distance, then there was a great crash. Olivia turned towards the noise, it was just a few alleys over. 

“What in the Maker’s name was that?” Anso asked, trying to subtly stand behind Julian and Olivia. 

In the distance, Olivia heard speaking. 

“Who are-“ and then another loud sound, this time unmistakable magic. Worse yet, the voice had been Merrill.

Olivia wasted no time in taking off for the sound, a confused Julian on her heels.

In the middle of the dark streets was Merrill, standing apart from a group of hooded figures. Olivia jogged up to them, startling Merrill.

One of the hooded figures reached out and began to cast. Olivia didn’t let him finish, raining fire down from the sky before his spell was complete. 

The other hooded figures charged the group, and the battle began in earnest. Olivia had no idea why Merrill was out of the alienage at night, no idea why these people attacked her, and no idea who they were. But anyone who attacked Olivia’s friend was in for a world of pain.

Julian fared well, despite apparently having been stabbed. He swung his sword with the same ease as ever, hefting its weight in a way that made it look as natural as breathing. Anders hung back and fired off occasional spells, and Merrill stayed with Olivia. The two of them quickly neutralized the first mage, but right after he fell another spirit bolt hit Merrill in the back.

_Two mages? These people can’t be the Sharps, they wouldn’t send both of their mages on such a minor mission._

Olivia would have to keep one of these bastards alive and get some answers once this fight was over. 

Thunder crashed around the alley as a storm was conjured, causing Olivia to duck for cover behind a crate. The screams of her companions told her they weren’t so lucky. Olivia leapt back out as soon as it was safe, and swung the blade end of her staff at one of the mages. This caught her off guard and the blade sliced through her skin easily. She growled at Olivia and raised a hand, casting a spell before Olivia could get away. 

Olivia had always known crushing prison must hurt like a bitch, but it was another thing to feel it. Her ribs were squeezed, all the breath stolen from her lungs. Pain razed across her skin like fire, and Olivia just managed not to scream. Olivia struggled to free herself, but it was no use. When the spell finally ended Olivia fell to her knees, taking deep breaths while she tried to reorient herself. 

The caster was about to prepare a different spell when Julian’s blade came out of nowhere, and sliced through where her shoulder met her neck. The woman screamed, gurgled, and then died. 

“Are you okay?” Julian asked, reaching a hand down. 

Olivia nodded, but quickly returned her attention to the battle. There were two more foes left, but neither of them mages. The first mage was dead in a corner, his head smashed against a brick wall. 

The two remaining men were fighting Anders and Merrill, and actually seemed to be about an even match. These people were definitely not Sharps, they didn’t move like them. There was something methodical and trained in their attacks. For one bewildered moment Olivia wondered if they were Antivan Crows. 

Didn’t matter who they were though, they had to die. Olivia shot fire from her staff with a thrust, hitting the one who was preoccupied with fighting Merrill. Julian quickly joined Anders and helped him dispatch the last man. 

Olivia backed away slightly, catching her breath, and then it was thrown out of her again as she was grabbed by the shoulders and slammed into a wall. Distantly, over the crack of her head, she heard her companions yells of surprise.

An elf was pinning her to the wall, his green eyes boring into hers.

“What is your business here, _mage?”_

Olivia didn’t have time to contemplate the pure venom in his words before the elf was hit across the jaw by Julian, and stumbling back. 

Olivia held up her staff in defence, but also held out an arm to signal to Julian to stop attacking. 

The elf was alone, but dressed for battle. He had recovered well from the punch, and was now surveying the group. 

“You’re all...mages…” he muttered, sounding almost confused behind the anger. 

“Not me,” offered Julian, “but I’ll send you to the Maker’s side if you touch her again.”

“Who are you?” The elf asked in a low voice. 

“Sounds like a good question for you,” Julian responded. “You ran up and grabbed my sister. I don’t take too kindly to that.” The words were light, but the way Julian said them was not.

“I was expecting the Coterie,” said the elf.

“We are the Coterie,” Olivia said. “Well, both of us.” She indicated herself and Julian. 

“I did not ask for _mages.”_

“And yet you got us!” Piped up Anders from the back. “So if you would kindly stop saying it like you stepped in something that would be great.”

“You’re with Anso?” Olivia asked. 

“I hired Anso,” the elf replied. “It was all a bid to set these hunters against the Coterie’s skilled warriors.”

“That’s us,” said Olivia. “And what do you mean by “hunters?” Can you please explain what the _fuck_ is going on here?”

The elf let out a sigh and relaxed slightly, but still eyed Olivia with suspicion. 

“These men were sent to capture me, I needed to surprise them with forces of my own. They were going to try and trap me here, so I secretly arranged for you to be here at the same time. Hiring anyone under my real identity or with my real intentions would have alerted them.”

“Oh!” Merrill suddenly chimed in. “They did say something about an elf when they attacked me. Maybe they thought I was you!”

The two looked nothing alike, but Olivia supposed it was dark… and that was really the only explanation for why these men attacked Merrill. Olivia would have to ask Merrill why she was walking the streets at this hour in the first place. 

“You two really are the Coterie?” The elf asked again, to Julian. “You and the mage?”

Julian stepped forward menacingly. “You keep saying “mage” like that and we’re gonna have a problem.” 

The elf looked genuinely taken aback. 

“The mage’s name is Olivia,” Olivia added, stepping past Julian. She didn’t need his protection. 

“And what I am shouldn’t interfere with payment, should it? Maybe a little extra for the deception?”

The elf stepped back as Olivia approached. Was he afraid, or just disgusted? Olivia had dealt with both, so she could deal with him. 

“There is...another task I would ask of your group…” the elf said, slowly. 

“No,” said Julian, “not after what you’ve done. We’re taking our coin and leaving.”

“I have more coin,” the elf said. “Much more than you were offered for this.”

“I’m listening,” Olivia told him. Then she cocked her head slightly. “Go on.”

The elf eyed her again. Then looked back at Julian. “Are there perhaps others in the Coterie that-“

“You payed for us, you get us,” said Julian. “That a problem?”

“I do not know if I can trust a mage with the problem I am dealing with.” The elf sounded genuinely cautious. 

_What the fuck was he talking about?_

Olivia wasn’t even offended at this point, just perplexed.

“You bigoted blighter!” Anders said, pointing a finger. “She just agreed to do your stupid task despite the fact you lied, and you’re going on about how she’s a mage? Olivia, you don’t have to do business with him. Let him find others if he wants to so much.”

“You don’t speak for me, Anders.” Olivia replied. While the elf was behaving very disagreeably, Olivia was intrigued. Both by the way he talked about his “task” and the coin he offered for it.

The elf hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I am from Tevinter, where I was enslaved. I escaped, but my former master is tracking me down. He has property in Kirkwall, which I need help attacking. I have reason to believe he may be there currently.”

Olivia took in the elf’s story with sympathy. His history was certainly tragic, and coming from Tevinter she could see why magic scared him. It still hurt a little to be regarded as a monster because of her magic, but Olivia could push that down like she always did. This elf had coin, and his cause seemed worthy. 

“I’ll help,” Olivia offered. 

“Seriously?” Anders asked, incredulous. “You’re helping a man who-“

“Is an escaped slave,” Olivia cut him off. The elf stiffened. 

“So you’re sympathetic to a man who hates you for what you are?” Anders continued.

Julian was nodding along with Anders now. He had even stepped closer to the man, almost as if in solidarity. Maker, this is what it took for them to get along. 

“It’s my choice,” said Olivia. “And I choose to help. This isn’t about you, Julian. And you two,” she gestured to Anders and Merrill. “You can both go home.”

“And let you fight a magister alone?” Merrill gasped. “I’ve heard of the magisters of Tevinter, they are extremely powerful. I’m coming with you.”

Anders looked to Julian. Julian looked to Anders. “What?” He asked.

“If you’re going, I’m going. You were still stabbed, I don’t want you dying.”

“But you don’t want to help this prick!” Julian exclaimed. 

“I don’t want to help _this one_ ,” he pointed to Julian, “either but look where I am! If you’re going, I’m also going.”

“I do not need the help of mages,” growled the elf. 

“Yes you do, idiot,” Olivia said with narrowed eyes. “If there really is a Tevinter magister in Kirkwall, you’re going to need more than one warrior and one mage to fight him.”

The elf grumbled, but acquiesced. 

“Fine. I suppose I should introduce myself then, if we are to be fighting together. My name is Fenris.”

Olivia introduced the group. Already she could see trouble brewing having Anders and this elf in the same place. While Olivia could sympathize with Fenris’s background and work around his hatred of mages, she was sure Anders would not abide it. Hopefully after tonight the two would never meet again. 

The strange group made their way to the mansion, Fenris at the lead. He was jumpy, kept looking back at the group as if they were always about to stab him in the back. Olivia supposed she should feel insulted, but she just felt sad for the man. There was something about Fenris not unlike a stray animal, skittish and world-weary. Frightened.

Olivia had also had to explain to Julian who Merrill was, and she conveniently left out the blood magic. Olivia also took this opportunity to talk to Merrill. 

“What were you doing in Lowtown at night?” She asked.

“Exploring. I figured if I’m going to join your group then I should know more about the city.”

Olivia’s heart sank. “You’re still considering that?”

“Yes, I am. I told you, I can make my own choices. You were so nice when we met, why are you being like this now?”

Shame flared up in Olivia’s heart. “I’m sorry. I’m only worried about you. But...I know it’s your decision. I will respect whatever you choose.”

Merrill looked like she was about to say something as Olivia was finishing off her sentence, but then stopped. She looked confused. 

“Wait, really? You’re just going to let me decide?”

“It’s your decision. You were right.”

A wide grin spread across Merrill’s face. “No one’s ever told me that before!” Maker, that was sad. 

The group arrived at the mansion. Time to fight

_____________________________________

The battle was harrowing, and in the end the mansion was empty save for the numerous shades and other demons. The veil was thin, probably damaged from the use of blood magic.

Olivia was bent over, breathing heavily and gritting her teeth through the pain of her burnt leg. Soon Anders arrived at her side and motioned for her to sit, healing her. Even the healing hurt. 

Olivia decided she liked being the one throwing fire rather than having fire thrown at her. While she had fought demons in the Fade before, this was her first encounter with them in the waking world.

Olivia looked around the room, surveying her party. Immediately she saw Fenris slump to the side, grunting in pain and clutching his side. 

Anders was by him in a moment, his hands glowing before Fenris practically hissed at the man and actually swiped with his sword. 

“Ow!” Anders yelled as his arm was cut. “You son of a bitch!” He cursed. “What the fuck is your problem?

“Do not use your _magic_ on me,” Fenris growled, now leaning on a wall. 

Anders threw his hands up in the air and stormed off to see if Julian was okay. Eventually the fight did seem taxing on him, and he was sitting on a pile of rubble. 

Merrill was the one who made it through the fight most unscathed, which gave Olivia a new respect for her combat abilities. Or maybe she just had more experience with demons. 

“So I suppose the magister didn’t come?” Merrill chirped, swaying on her feet as she looked around.

Fenris was now sitting down, looking distinctly worse for wear. 

“You should just let Anders heal you,” Olivia said. “It doesn’t hurt much.

“I have been touched enough by magic,” was Fenris’s curt reply. 

“Yes, about that,” Merrill inquired. “Why were you glowing during the fight? Are you magic too?”

Olivia looked at Fenris again. He wasn’t glowing now, but in the fight she had caught glimpses of a blue glow. She had thought it must be Anders, after what she had seen in the clinic. 

“Leave it,” Fenris frowned

“You’re a mage who hates mages?” Olivia asked. 

“I am not a mage! I was tortured, enslaved, and mutilated by one!” Fenris growled at her, his voice rising. 

Fenris brought a hand up, clenched his fist, and then all of what Olivia had previously thought were tattoos lit up. It was unmistakably magic, but unlike any magic Olivia had ever seen. It almost looked like-

“Lyrium!” Anders exclaimed in shock. “That’s lyrium on your skin.”

“Very observant,” Fenris said flatly. “It was my former master’s proudest work, and why he wants me back in his possession.”

Olivia tried not to stare openly. That was crazy...but she had heard stories of the depravity of Tevinter. 

Fenris seemed to shrink back slightly under their scrutiny. Olivia looked away, wanting to give him space. He really was like a scared animal. 

“Let’s head out, then,” Olivia told the group. “Fenris,” she added, after the others had all stood to leave. “Do you have a place to stay, or medical supplies?”

“No,” the elf replied. 

Maker, what an idiot. 

“Were you just sleeping on the street?”

“Yes, what of it?”

Olivia tried not to roll her eyes. “If you have coin, use it to buy a room for tonight.”

“I had saved up my remaining coin to give to you, for the completion of this job.”

“Keep enough for a room, then,” Olivia said. 

“Hey-“ Julian started, but Olivia talked over him. “We didn’t end up actually fighting a magister, so you can lower the payment.”

Fenris looked at Olivia with eyes both confused and wary, but eventually made his way over to her and handed her a coin pouch after taking a few copper out for himself.

Olivia pocketed the coin, and knew she should just leave...but something else was nagging at her. 

“What are your plans for Kirkwall? Beyond staying in an inn for the night, I mean. You’ll need shelter.”

“What I do is none of your concern.”

“Fine by me,” Olivia sighed. “But that injury will take longer than a day to heal. Also,” she turned to Anders. 

“Do you have any bandages on you?”

Anders grumbled something about ungrateful elves but handed them over. 

“I will stay in this mansion, then,” Fenris said when Olivia kept looking at him. “Although I still do not see why you care.”

“I care,” said Olivia, “because I don’t think you deserve to die because some mugger rightly assumed your injured ass was an easy target.”

Fenris scoffed, but didn’t reply. Olivia turned to leave, feeling a little better. She may not know this stubborn elf, but someone in his circumstances deserved a fair chance.

The three mages and Julian exited the mansion into the cold night air of Hightown. Luckily no one was out this late, or their group would cause quite a stir. 

“Um…” Merrill said, looking sheepish. “I don’t know how to get back to the alienage.”

“I’ll take you back. Julian, go home without me.”

Julian nodded, and turned to walk away. Anders followed him, which quickly started an argument. 

Olivia would let them sort that out. This had been an exhausting day and she was ready for it to end. However, Merrill needed to be safely returned home. 

As Olivia and Merrill made their way to the alienage, Olivia couldn’t help but think of Fenris. He was new in Kirkwall, a refugee of sorts just like her and her family. Olivia hoped he stayed safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted both Merrill and Anders there because in my playthrough I accidentally activated the Fenris mission with THREE MAGES in my party and I thought that was hilarious.


	9. The Gang's All Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Kronk Voice* Oh yeah, it's all coming together...

Julian trudged away from Hightown feeling like shit. His abdomen hurt, he was tired, and his pants were singed. At least they got coin out of it. Oh, and the healer was still following him.

“I’m fine walking home,” he told the man.

“I’m not taking any chances. No way did I suffer through that fight and that elf for you to be stabbed again in an alley.”

“Yeah, I could see you weren’t a fan of Olivia’s new friend.”

“Friend? She just met him!” the healer exclaimed. “And he’s a bigot.”

“I could see it in her eye. Maker knows what she sees in that man though. She did that with the widow of a Templar too…”

The healer made a disgusted face. “Whatever for?”

“We escaped Lothering together. Olivia now counts that woman as family. I don’t want her hanging around the elf, though…”

“Which elf?” the healer asked. “There was a woman too.”

“Oh, right. She still didn’t really explain how she made that friend. No, the Dalish girl is okay. It’s this...Fen? Fen-something or other, that I’m worried about.”

“You’re right to be worried. If he gets too comfortable in Kirkwall he’s likely to report her to the Templars.” The healer looked very serious as he spoke.

“Exactly,” Julian said darkly. “She doesn’t realize the danger.”

“Or she does and is letting her pity get the best of her.”

Julian almost laughed. Almost. 

“Strange condemnation coming from you. You don’t even hide your magic, healing every person in Darktown. Any of them could turn you in too.”

The healer held his head high as he replied. “It’s the right thing to do. If I’m here, if I was given these gifts by the Maker, I should use them.”

“The Maker?” Julian wondered aloud. “You religious?”

“Just because I’m an apostate doesn’t mean I don’t believe in Andraste and the Maker.”

“Just seems like a conflict.”

“It’s not. The Maker didn’t say anything about locking mages away, and neither did Andraste.”

“Hm,” Julian wondered. “I suppose you’re right. And what you’re doing certainly falls under ‘serving man’ with your magic. Still think you’re crazy, by the way.”

“Maybe I am,” the healer replied easily.

His voice may be light, but there was weight behind his words. And, now that Julian was looking, weight in his steps as well. The healer was smiling a good natured smile, but he looked exhausted. He had looked exhausted in his clinic the first time the two met, as well. 

“You really don’t need to walk me home. I don’t you I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. You’re powering through it, but you’re not fine. I’m a healer, I can tell.”

“Could say the same of you,” Julian said with a raised eyebrow. “You used a lot of mana during that fight, and then you healed everyone afterwards.”

“All in a day’s work,” the healer brushed him off. “Although I’m surprised you noticed. No one but a mage thinks twice about how draining mana can be.”

“I’m used to looking out for mages in battle,” said Julian. “So really, if any of us needs someone walking them home it’s you.”

The healer looked taken aback. 

“Does anyone ever look out for you?” Julian asked, possessed by some sudden urge to know. Then he realized what clicked inside of him. The need to protect. Julian had to consciously not actually grimace at the realization. What the fuck just got into him? He didn’t know this man, this “Anders.” Why did he care who was watching his back?

“Most mages have no one,” the healer replied. “Your sister is the odd one out. She’s very lucky.” He said it as a matter of fact, with maybe a hint of sadness. Julian thought of what that must feel like, to have no one. 

As much as Julian and Olivia fought, they always had each other’s backs. The world may be cold and cruel, but Julian had his family. He felt pity for the healer, which was a useless feeling really. If the healer wanted to give himself to others without an ounce for himself, that was his business. It didn’t matter to Julian.

“You’re a fool,” Julian told the healer abruptly.

“Excuse me?” The man asked, almost amused.

“I can’t understand you. You’re a mage, yet you put yourself out in harm’s way. You seem to realize the reality of being a mage, yet you do it anyway.”

“I told you, it’s the right thing to do. Even with my lot in life, I should make the most of it.”

Julian gave the healer a look. 

“Making the most of life is living in a sewer and saving people who probably despise your kind?”

“Not everyone is a hedonist,” the healer replied. “And they don’t all despise what I am. Some of them did, but who else is there to teach them that being a mage is okay? If no one shows people we’re just as much the Maker’s children as anybody, how will anything change?”

“You’re trying to _change_ people?” Julian asked, almost shocked. “Look, it’s a noble goal, but...nothing is changing. Not in our lifetimes anyway.”

The healer now looked mad. “It won’t if no one tries.”

“You’re a real bloody saint, you know that?” Julian asked, exasperated. 

“You say that like an insult.”

“I say it like you’re a fool. Because you are. A noble fool, but… Kirkwall isn’t the place to be a good person.”

Julian suddenly felt like he needed this man to understand.

“This city eats good people alive. You’re...you’re a fool.”

“You say all this like it’s your problem,” the healer pointed out. 

He was right. Why did Julian give a damn? Was it because the healer was a mage, because Olivia was fond of him, because he was a good person?

“I… don’t know,” Julian grumbled. Must be because Olivia liked the man. That had to be the source of Julian’s strong feelings on the matter.

“My sister likes you,” he said, “I don’t want to see her hurt when you get killed.”

“I’m very slippery, and hard to kill,” the healer replied. Smiling, again. 

“Your humor won’t get you out of everything,” Julian groused. 

“Has so far.”

“You’re impossible.”

There was silence for a while after that, but the healer spoke up again once Julian indicated his home was close by.

“What do you feel about mages?” He asked, all traces of humor gone.

_What kind of question was that?_

“I think I made my opinions on that pretty clear,” was Julian’s reply.

“No, you described the reality of being a mage. You worry about your sister because she’s your sister, and she happens to be a mage. If your sister wasn’t a mage, would you care?”

“Probably not,” Julian admitted. The healer looked put out for a moment, so Julian elaborated. 

“But that wouldn’t be right of me. If my sisters weren’t mages, I wouldn’t know about all they go through. I wouldn’t know they’re just people who deserve the same rights as anyone. Mages live horrible lives for the same reason lots of other people do - the world is shit. I’m not great with words,” Julian explained, a bit awkwardly. “So uh, no I wouldn’t care as much if it weren’t for my sisters. But that would just be because I didn’t know any better. People should care about mages. If the world was good, people would care.”

Julian hoped that made any sense to the healer. He did seem to be listening. 

“I see,” he told Julian, regarding him seriously. 

The two men reached Julian’s house. Before he entered, the healer spoke again. 

“You’re a better man than you say you are.”

Julian had no idea how to respond. In the end, he just shook his head and opened the door. What a ridiculous comment, especially coming from an actual good man. Julian may think the healer was a fool, but he knew he was a good man. 

As Julian was about to close the door he looked around for no particular reason. In the distance, he could see the healer...Anders… walking into the night, hopefully to safety. 

___________________

Two days had passed since the raid on the mansion, and Olivia was returning. While Fenris had insisted he was fine, she wasn’t sure if that was overconfidence. Even someone with magical lyrium tattoos could be caught off guard. 

Olivia knocked on the large front doors and waited for a moment. Then another moment. She was about to give up when the door opened to a very confused looking elf.

“Why are you here, mage? Was the payment not enough?”

“The payment was fine.” Olivia let herself in, looking around the absolutely destroyed furnishings. Demons had a tendency to wreck everything they touched. 

“I’m here to ask what your next plans are.”

“What? Why are my plans any of your business?” Fenris frowned. 

“Because you’re an elf in Kirkwall running from a Tevinter magister. You’re vulnerable.”

Fenris scoffed. “I am no such thing. I was made to be a living weapon.”

“Being a living weapon won’t help you when there’s five bounties on your head. Kirkwall is ruled by gangs, if this magister wants to find you he only needs to hire one. You’re living very conspicuously, here in this abandoned mansion. It’s the first place the magister will look.”

“Good,” said Fenris with vicious certainty. “Let him come to me. If he comes here, I can kill him.”

“Not on your own,” Olivia argued. “And he won’t just come here himself first, he’ll send others.”

“What is it you would suggest?” Fenris asked Olivia. 

“Join a gang,” Olivia told him bluntly. “If you become enough of an asset to them, they’ll protect you from bounty hunters.”

“Is that how you avoid the chantry and the Templars?” 

“Yes. The Coterie likes having a few mages, and we’re not easy to come by outside of the Circle.”

“How…” Fenris grumbled, slightly awkward. “How would I go about joining such a group? I do intend to stay in Kirkwall until Danarius is forced to come collect me himself.”

“I can recommend you to the Coterie,” Olivia offered. “The pay is alright, and you’ll get mercenary gigs. The Red Iron also does that work, but they’re less organized and have less political power. For safety, you’ll need to either go to the Sharps Highwaymen or the Coterie. Don’t join the Sharps, though, I have no wish to fight you in a turf war.”

Fenris seemed to consider this. He looked up at Olivia with wary eyes. 

“Why are you helping me?”

“You look like you need help.”

“No. _Why?”_

Olivia sighed. “I pity your circumstances.”

Fenris snarled in disgust. “I do not need your pity.”

Olivia didn’t respond right away. She knew he didn’t want pity, but that didn’t change how she felt. It would be an injustice for an escaped slave to be recaptured because he didn’t adapt to his new surroundings, so Olivia would do what she could to help.

Olivia also couldn’t help but see some of Carver in this angry elf. He was proud, and that would make him stupid. He didn’t seem to have a great control on his anger, at least not in times of stress. 

“Do you want in with the Coterie or not?” She asked bluntly. If Fenris didn’t want her help, she would leave it at that. 

The elf nodded, but was still frowning. 

_Good,_ Olivia thought. Truthfully she would have felt bad leaving this man to his own devices. 

Olivia left the mansion after that, not wanting to overstay her welcome. 

___________________

Merrill did end up joining the Coterie. Olivia knew she would, but it still didn’t make her worry any less. The initial meeting had gone well, Merrill had demonstrated some of her powers and the Coterie had been impressed. Varric had been there and had asked Olivia how she kept finding so many interesting friends.

The other interesting friend Olivia had brought his way was Fenris, of course. His lyrium tattoos made him lethal, and he was a skilled warrior in any event. Apparently Varric was getting some praise from some high ranking members for bringing in so much talent. Of course Olivia was actually the one who brought the two elves, but Varric had signed Olivia so she would give him that. 

It wasn’t long before the motley group was given an important mission - to clear out a cave full of Sharps. The clearing out involved both the acquisition of their belongings and the killing of everyone inside. Merrill had looked a little queasy at the prospect, but she steeled herself quickly. 

Merrill was vital to the plan. The Coterie had recently captured one of the Sharps that frequented the secret hideaway, and then released him after taking some of his blood while he was out cold. They then released him, waiting for him to return to the hideout. Merrill would use the blood to track him, and lead the rest to the hideout. 

Julian, Olivia, Fenris, Varric, and Isabela were all going along to be the fighting power. This meant a long trek out to Sundermount, and with it a long time spent in each other’s close company. 

This was mainly a problem because Julian hated Fenris. 

Sure, the first impression had not been good, but Olivia thought Julian should cut him a little bit of slack. The man had been afraid, on the run from slavers. Julian, however, wasn’t in the business of cutting people slack.

“I still can’t believe you invited him,” Julian muttered to Olivia at the back of the group, glaring over to where Varric was chatting Fenris’s ear off.

“He needed work. He wouldn’t last in this city otherwise.”

“It’s not your job to protect a man who hates you,” Julian replied. 

Olivia gave him a look. “Fenris doesn’t hate me, he’s just wary. He’s had bad experiences with mages, it’s not like… he doesn’t hate me.”

“And he lets that color his opinion of a woman he met once. Who’s to say he won’t turn you in to the Templars?”

“The Coterie would be pissed, for one thing,” Olivia replied easily. “But other than that...I just don’t think he will.”

“You can’t let your intuition be the only thing that’s guarding you. What is it with you taking in strays, anyway? First a Templar’s widow, then a blood mage, and now a man who hates mages for what they are?”

Olivia didn’t respond to him, uncomfortable. He did have a point about that. 

“It’s okay to do a good thing once in a while,” she eventually said.

“There’s a good deed, and then there’s a liability.” 

Olivia really wished he would drop it with Fenris, but she was not so lucky. Later that night when the group set up a fire and put up their tents, Julian confronted Fenris.

He had taken the other man to the side, but not far enough that the others couldn’t hear.

“I need to know I can count on you during a fight,” Julian opened with. 

“Where is this coming from, then?” Fenris asked him.

“You seemed unhappy working with mages before. Now you’re working with two of them. I need to know this won’t affect how the battle goes.”

Fenris glowered, standing up tall but still not quite measuring up to Julian. He was a tall elf, but Julian was a tall human. 

“I can put my personal feelings aside,” Fenris told him coldly. 

“And what personal feelings would those be, hm?” 

“Only what I have observed with my own eyes. Magic corrupts.”

“So you’re saying my sister’s corrupted?” Julian prodded.

“She is a killer for hire” Fenris argued. He looked at Olivia for quick second, then fixed his glare back on Julian. 

“And what are you?” Julian asked, a hint of amusement in his eye. Just a hint.

“I am what _magic_ made me. Now leave me alone, I do not wish to discuss this further.”

Julian waited a moment, but left it at that. 

“Just as long as you have Olivia’s back during the fight.”

“Awkward…” Isabela added, after a few beats of silence throughout the camp. Both Julian and Fenris retired for the night to their tents. 

Olivia wished Julian didn’t come along. She could at least count on Fenris to be civil, it seemed. Fenris was right, he had agreed to fight with both Olivia and Merrill. He wasn’t some rabid mage-hater, he just...needed some time, perhaps.

“So,” Isabela promoted the group, settling by the fire. “Any new gossip in the Merchant’s Guild?”

“All the same, Rivaini,” Varric replied. “House Blah is angry at House Whohisface, because the scion of blah blah blah…”

“And here I thought you were a storyteller,” said Isabela.

“You stop paying attention when all the stories keep repeating. Although now I’m finally getting some new material…”

He gave Olivia a sly look.

“What?” She asked.

“You and your brother are quite the story. Refugees from Ferelden living a life of crime in Kirkwall, a family of apostates… it writes itself.”

“We’re not a story,” Olivia frowned. 

“Everyone’s a story, Little Hawke.”

“I thought I told you to stop calling me that.”

“Hm,” Varric considered. “Alright then, you can be Hawke and your brother can be Big Hawke.”

Olivia smirked. “I’m liking you more now, Varric. Except for the part where I’m still implied to be little. We’re twins.”

“But he’s taller,” Varric argued. 

“Like a mountain,” Isabela sighed wistfully. 

Varric chuckled. “You know you’re not gonna be climbing that one.”

“Why would Isabela want to climb Julian? I think he’d throw her off, he’s quite cross” Merrill asked, completely serious. 

Varric and Isabela looked at each other for one confused moment before they burst into laughter.

“What?” Merrill asked. “What’s funny?”

“I’m saying he’s an attractive man, Kitten,” Isabela told her once she had gotten ahold of herself. “But he prefers the company of men, so no dice for me…”

“But he’s in the company of women right now. And he certainly doesn’t prefer Fenris’s company.”

“You’re killing me, Daisy,” Varric chuckled. 

“And you’re killing me,” Olivia told Isabela, “talking about my _brother_ light that. Gross.”

“I could be talking about you like that,” Isabela suggested with a raised eyebrow. “I’d climb you too.”

Olivia tried not to show any reaction to that. It’s not like she hadn’t thought about it. 

“I’m a cold hearted bitch, Isabela,” Olivia said instead. “I’d set your sights somewhere else.”

“No you’re not!” Piped up Merrill. “You’re the kindest human I’ve ever met, you’re so generous and caring.”

If what Isabela had said made Olivia blush a little, that set her on fire. She actually did feel her face flush, and tried to play it off. 

“You haven’t met enough humans, then.”

“I’m sure that’s not it,” Merrill insisted. She reached over to clasp a hand on Olivia’s shoulder and looked into her eyes. “You’re one of the best people, human and elven, that I know.”

Surely that was an exaggeration. Surely… 

Olivia didn’t know what to say. She just stared for a moment before she had to break away from Merrill’s sincere gaze. It was too much. 

“You’re too kind, Merrill…” Olivia eventually said. She could handle Isabela’s flirting, but not...not this. 

The rest of the night went uneventfully, which left them all rested for tomorrow. Julian and Fenris didn’t speak with one another, which was honestly an improvement.


	10. Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan is made, and Julian freaks out.

The fight on Sundermount had been a success. Julian may not have liked working with Fenris, but he could admit the man was a damn good fighter. Fenris had also, Julian noted, made sure to cover Olivia. Good. If that man had let his feelings interfere with Olivia’s safety, he’d have a problem coming. 

After that success, their group gained some notoriety as some of the Coterie’s best mercenaries. Brekker started picking them for more specialized missions, which Julian liked a lot more than his typical work. Again, the only problem was that Fenris was often on these missions as well. 

Olivia had also been spending more time with her new friends. Fenris was staying in the dilapidated mansion, and Merrill was now able to make payments on the little home in the alienage she rented. Olivia visited them separately of course, because Fenris could not stand Merrill. 

It was to be expected really, what with the blood magic. Julian himself had been apprehensive when he’d first learned what she was, but in the end figured he had no room to judge. Merrill didn’t even use the blood magic for controlling people. 

The other member of their odd group was Isabela. Even though she was more of a freelancer and not actually in the Coterie, she was often with them for important missions. Julian was a bit suspicious of Isabela, but he was suspicious of everyone. She was clearly out for herself, but she hadn’t let them down yet. It also didn’t help that she was clearly trying to fuck Olivia. Julian knew Olivia was a grown woman and could make her own decisions but he didn’t want her romantically involved with Isabela. Hopefully if they did hook up it would stay in the bedroom. 

The only friend that Julian had in the group was Varric, and that wasn’t his doing. Varric seemed determined to befriend him, which kind of baffled Julian because he was not an easy person to get along with. Sometimes to get away from the house Julian would go to the hanged man and Varric would always be there to listen to his bitching about whatever was bothering him. The bastard even got him to open up about his anxieties once, which Julian was not eager to repeat. 

Julian had even seen Anders a few times. While the healer was not involved directly with the Coterie, Olivia had gotten him to come along on missions in exchange for lyrium to use in the clinic. Anders occasionally grumbled about helping out criminals, but apparently the clinic was doing better than ever now that he had some money to stock it with proper supplies. 

Anders was very useful on missions, being a skilled fighter as well as a healer. He must have learned that as a Gray Warden. Julian was mildly curious about why Anders left the Wardens, but he didn’t ask. Not any of his business, really. 

Julian was currently on a mission with Olivia and Fenris, one where Anders tagged along. This time he was only there to gather herbs from Sundermount while the others delivered some goods to an important contact. 

Anders was in a foul mood, looking even more haggard than normal. As the group waited at the meeting point, he hung back by a tree while Olivia and Fenris talked. Julian wondered if Fenris was contributing to the bad mood, but Anders didn’t seem to be paying attention to the elf at all. In fact, he seemed very distant. His gaze was far away, almost unseeing. 

Eventually Olivia got worried enough to ask him what was wrong. 

“Something’s wrong with my friend, the one in the Gallows,” Anders told her. “We’ve been exchanging letters, but lately...they just don’t seem like him.”

“He probably has to get some message past whoever is monitoring the letters,” Olivia said.

“No one’s monitoring the letters,” Anders said. “We’re using a…” he shot a quick glance over at Fenris, who was close enough to be listening, “secure network. He shouldn’t have to be hiding anything.”

“You’re still no closer to getting him out?” Olivia asked. Oh no, she sounded genuinely concerned. 

“We had a plan,” said Anders. “It recently got worked out, we know how he’s escaping, but...something’s wrong. I can feel it.”

“You think he’s setting you up?” Asked Olivia, very serious. 

“No, he would never,” Anders insisted with more emotion than he’d shown all day. “...I’m supposed to meet him tonight to escape, but I can’t help think...ah, I don’t know,” he sighed. “Maybe it’s just nerves. But I just worry it’s all going to go wrong.”

“But you’re still going,” Olivia said. Not even a question. 

“I have to.”

“You need someone going with you,” Olivia told him.

Before Julian could speak, Fenris did.

“You are surely not suggesting you are going to go break a mage out of the Gallows.”

Olivia frowned. “And what if I am?”

“You should not take such a risk, not for-“

Fenris stopped, then collected his thoughts. “It is not worth it.”

“I think my friend’s freedom is worth a lot, actually,” Anders huffed.

Fenris sneered. “Your friend is free, mage. You and he both know nothing of captivity.”

Anders stood up straighter and was clearly about to say something scathing when Olivia held up a hand. 

“Fenris.” She said calmly. “This man is trapped in the Gallows. He’s not free.”

“He is where he should be.”

“No he shouldn’t, you stupid bastard,” Julian told him, his temper flaring. “No mage should be in the bloody Gallows!”

Who was this man to say this? He was no mage, he didn’t even have a mage in his life. To suggest, even by proxy, that Julian’s father should have lived in life imprisoned, that his _sisters_ should be imprisoned… 

“You don’t know what it’s like in the Gallows!” Julian continued before Fenris could respond. “So don’t you dare suggest that anyone deserves to be there.”

“And you have never been to the Gallows either,” Fenris responded. “You also do not know what a life of tyranny you would live under if not for places like the Gallows.”

Julian was seeing red now. “I know what life would be like for my sisters inside the Gallows! Locked away from their families, at the mercy of the Templars!”

Stories told by Julian’s father flashed through his mind. He would never let that happen to his sister. Just the thought of it...

Fenris scoffed. “So you would rather be at the mercy of mages? You don’t know what true mercy the Templars grant-“

“Is it mercy to be raped!?” Julian practically yelled. “Because all my life I’ve known that’s what could happen to my sisters if they were ever locked up in that place. Mages are beaten, assaulted, killed! You call that mercy? You fucking-“

“Julian!” Olivia snapped. “Enough.”

“Is that what you want for Olivia?” Julian continued, uncaring. “I know you’re her supposed friend, so is that what you want for her?”

“Of course not!” Fenris yelled back, some kind of nerve clearly hit. “If you think I would ever wish that on someone then you-“

“It’s pretty easy to believe when you advocate for throwing Olivia to the Gallows-“

“I said nothing of Olivia, you-“

“Olivia is a mage! You are saying that mages-“ Anders joined the fray. 

“I was not talking about Olivia!” Fenris yelled.

“Then you’re a bloody hypocrite of you think-“ Anders continued, before he was cut off.

“Shut the fuck up, all of you!” Olivia yelled. The men fell silent, tension thick in the air. 

“This shouting isn’t helping anyone.” She then leveled a glare at Julian and Anders. 

“I can fight my own battles.”

Fenris balked, then for a moment looked genuinely mortified. “I was not fighting you. I would never wish the things they said-“

“I know,” Olivia said, “I know...I know you don’t.” Olivia sounded tired.

Could she really know that? Hadn’t Fenris just admitted he would wish exactly that on Olivia? Why was she so damned insistent on defending him?

Julian fumed inside his head, and by the looks of it Anders was barely containing a hundred other retorts. Julian kept quiet, but only for Olivia. If she wasn’t here Julian would scream himself hoarse until that damned elf _understood_ what he had just said. 

———————-

Camping that night was...awkward. Fenris retired immediately, and Olivia did so soon after. Julian was leaning against a tree off to the side, still angry. Angry at Fenris, angry at Olivia. How could she befriend someone like that? Someone who thought her suffering would be a mercy? Olivia knew about how all the chantry and the Circles did was take and take, but-

Julian was so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t notice Anders walk over to him. 

Julian jumped slightly, then frowned. 

“Warn a guy first,” he said. 

Anders let out a small laugh. “I’m not sneaky, you’re just distracted.”

The two men lapsed into silence, but after a moment Anders spoke. 

“Thank you, for what you said back there. I felt like pulling my hair out I was so frustrated. Talking to some people is like talking to a brick wall.”

Julian grunted in agreement. Anders continued.

“I’ve never heard a non mage talk like that,” he admitted. “It’s always us defending ourselves. So thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for, I just told the truth.”

Anders responded with a sardonic smile. “That’s more than most would do. Shut up and take the compliment.”

Julian didn’t know what to do with a compliment, unless it was about his martial skill. He shifted awkwardly, then shrugged. 

“Fine.”

A few more moments of silence. 

“You’re really okay with me?” Julian asked. “After I threatened to break your kneecaps?”

“That was ages ago,” Anders waved him off. “I’ve had, and made, some terrible first impressions in my time. Granted, that’s probably the worst, but… you’ve proven yourself more than a mindless brute since then.”

“Or maybe it’s like getting used to a bad smell. After enough exposure, it stinks less.”

Anders looked surprised. “A joke? You do those?”

“Not often.”

“I can tell. You know if you keep making that face it’s going to freeze that way. Does your brow ever unfurrow?”

“What face?” Julian asked. Anders just chucked.

“That face. But no, I didn’t come here to tease you. I came to thank you, so...thank you.”

And he did look thankful. Something softened in those tired eyes, and Julian was struck by the fact that look was being turned on him. No one looked at Julian like that. 

“Stop it,” Julian waved a hand. “Stop acting like my defending mages means that much. Just because I am for the cause of mages doesn’t mean that I deserve your thanks. Raise your standards.”

Anders shifted uncomfortably, probably not realizing the naked gratitude that had shown on his face. 

“Well, ah… I suppose you’re right.”

Julian looked away, not knowing what to say. This was more then he talked with most people, save for Varric. Gratitude, much like compliments, he really did not know how to deal with. 

__________

The next day was normal until it wasn’t. It had started with some easy job providing “security” for an “exchange” of goods, which left Julian with the pleasant burn of battle and the satisfying weight of coin acquired. 

Julian was at the Hanged Man at night, having a quiet drink by himself. 

“Julian!” Called Varric, taking a seat.

“Got more coin for the expedition,” Julian told him in reply. “And speaking of… have you looked into-“

“Keeping Olivia off the expedition? I’m working on it, Big Hawke. But it’s hard to convince Bartrand that having a mage down there won’t be useful. Also kind of hard convincing me…” Varric ended with a side-eyed glance. “You’re lucky I like you.”

“Despite reason, yes.”

“And even if you can convince Bartrand to not want Olivia on the expedition, you’ve gotta somehow convince the Coterie to keep her here. I don’t think she’d listen to anybody else.”

“We work directly under you, you could decide.”

“No, you work under Brekker. I just give out the tasks. You want someone who can actually keep Olivia in Kirkwall, it’s him you’re after.”

“So I need another mage for your expedition, and a reason for Olivia to stay here?”

“You got it. Also about your sister - Do you know when she’s getting back from Darktown?”

“What?” Julian asked, already feeling a pit in his stomach. _Why would Olivia be in Darktown? We never have business in Darktown. Oh Maker, and Olivia said Anders needed to take someone on his inane rescue!_

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger!” Varric protested, hands up. Julian’s feelings must have shown in his voice. “I caught her on the way out with Isabela and Merrill, needed to talk about a job next week. She said she would talk tonight, she was busy. I asked where she was going, and Merrill said Darktown. I’m guessing Olivia was going to say ‘none of your business.’” 

_Fuck. Maker fucking damn it!_

Julian knew, he just _knew_ that what Olivia was doing right fucking now was breaking into the fucking Gallows! There was a slim chance she hadn’t left yet, and it was very slim but Julian was taking it. 

He got up from his chair in a flurry and strapped his sword to his back. 

“Where’s the fire?” Asked Varric. 

“Wherever Olivia is,” Julian told him darkly.

As Julian made his way to the sewers, he tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. He was a strong man, a man many thought was without fears. That could not be further from the truth. Where his family was concerned, fear was all he had some days. He may not be a kind man, but damn it he loved his family and would defend them to the death. He worried for them, always. 

And now Olivia had gone right into the last place she should be. 

Julian barely saw anything but the images in his head of Olivia being taken away, being killed. He bumped into a few very confused bypassers but he barely noticed.

Olivia, trapped in the Gallows… he thought of all his father had ever told him, thought of what he himself had told Fenris. The only way you survived in the Gallows, and this still was not a guarantee, was to sit quiet and let yourself be abused. Olivia would never, she would fight until her last breath. 

Her last breath might be in the Gallows. Oh Maker, he might never see his sister again. Just like Bethany. 

A resounding crack of bone echoed through his mind as he increased in pace, desperate that he would be able to stop Olivia in time or even that she had already gone and everything had been fine.

The residents of Darktown gave him a wide breadth as he advanced, probably sensing how he was one moment away from snapping. If he lost any more family, he would snap. He would have no one to blame but his own failure to protect his sibling for the second time. 

Julian swung open the door of the clinic, ignoring the unlit lantern. He had expected to find it empty, had expected the worst, but…

She was there. Olivia was there, in the clinic. She stood unharmed but was splattered with blood, her hand twisting the ring on her finger absentmindedly before she froze and looked at Julian. 

As relief flooded Julian’s body, he noticed the others. Merrill was perched on a crate with her knees tucked up to her chest, Isabella was sitting on a cot, a long cut in her leg being healed by Anders. 

Anders was covered head to toe in splashes of blood. It was in his hair, on his clothes, a smear across his face. Anders, despite his state, bore no expression save for a far off look in his eyes as he turned to take in Julian standing in the doorway. 

“You went to the Gallows?” Julian asked, leveling an accusatory look at Olivia. The relief, instead of making him giddy, turned to anger. 

“Yes,” said Olivia, “but we’re not talking about this now.” 

“I don’t see why the fuck not,” Julian increased in volume as he spoke. “I thought…”

_I thought you were dead. I thought I was too late again._

Julian shook his head, and kept speaking, his words turning into yells of near desperation. Julian didn’t like desperation, preferred anger. There was control in anger. Anger was safe, anger wasn’t wondering if you would ever see your sister again.

“I can’t believe you would do this! You knew how insanely dangerous this is! What if you got captured! What if you ended up in the Circle!”

“Julian,” Olivia said in warning, “now is _not_ the time.”

“Is this what father would have wanted?! Wanted his daughter caught or killed by the Templars?!”

“Julian, st-“

“How would mother feel? How would I feel when I have to tell mother that she lost another daughter? How?” Julian kept yelling, all his anxieties pouring out in his words. 

“Julian, _later!”_ Olivia yelled this time, something high and vulnerable in her voice. A tremble? Julian didn’t care, he would keep yelling, he would make sure Olivia knew how stupid what she just did was. 

“And then you snuck behind my back to do this! You risked your damn life for someone you don’t even know!”

“Stop yelling!” Olivia said again, yelling herself. “Julian, you need to stop!”

“And why the fuck would-“

Julian was cut off by a great heaving gasp, and saw Anders collapse to the floor on his knees. Then his shoulders shook as he held his head in his hands, the sound of sobbing unmistakable. 

Anders curled in on himself, crying out in grief and pain. Julian knew those sounds, had heard them on the boat to Kirkwall. 

When Julian was stunned enough to pause his tirade, Olivia got a word in. 

“The mission went bad,” she said with a thick voice. Anders’ cries echoed off the walls, a sound of pure misery. 

Julian was frozen in place, not understanding whatever he had just barged into. 

“Isabela, Merrill,” Olivia directed, “give him space but stay here. I’m going to explain to Julian what happened. Also, make sure to take his knife and get rid of it.” She spoke like a triage medic, quick and serious. 

“Knife?” Julian asked in bewilderment as Olivia grabbed his arm roughly and dragged him outside the clinic.

“You fucking barbarian!” She hissed once the door was closed. “I told you to stop yelling, the last thing we needed right now was yelling!”

“What in the Maker’s name did happen?” Julian asked, still able to hear faint crying from inside. Then a soft voice, coaxing. 

“Anders’ friend-“ Olivia started, then had to stop. She swallowed thickly. “The Templars got him. The letters were a trap, he was Tranquil.”

Ice flowed through Julian’s veins at that word. Tranquility. The worst fate a mage could suffer, to have one’s mind taken from them and to be made into a husk of your former self. All his life, Julian had known such a fate may await his sisters.

The crying softened to hitched breaths, irregular small sounds of pain. 

“Anders…” Olivia started. “I- I can’t explain, but something he did made his friend come back for a moment.”

“Come back from being tranquil?” Julian’s eyebrows rose. 

“Only for a moment. Long enough to plead for death.”

And now Julian understood the significance of the knife. His stomach dropped. 

“Anders killed him,” he said.

“Yes.”

Julian’s mind was spinning, but he had to remain in control. Stick to the facts. 

“That doesn’t explain the blood.”

“I told you it was a trap. Templars were waiting. Anders, he...he lost it. There’s something inside him, some kind of magic that’s...I can’t even describe it. He ripped the Templars limb from limb.”

“...Gray Warden thing?” Julian asked lamely, knowing that couldn’t possibly be it. Olivia stared at him because she knew what he had said was stupid. He deserved that one. Probably deserved a lot more after how he’d barged in right after Anders had killed a friend, and then started screaming at Olivia.

As the anger ebbed away, he felt much deserved shame. 

It was quiet inside the clinic now. The door creaked open and Isabela, unusually sober, handed Olivia a bloody dagger. Olivia just nodded as the two women exchanged a silent look. 

“You should go home, Julian,” Olivia said, sounding as though the weight of the world rested upon her.”

“You’re staying with him?” He asked.

“Someone has to. He shouldn’t be alone right now. I recruited Merrill and Isabela for this, they came as a favor, so they shouldn’t have to deal with the fallout.”

“Okay,” said Julian. “Just...stay safe. You… scared me.”

“I can handle myself.”

“That isn’t the point, Olivia!” Julian responded, actively trying to not get angry again. Mostly failing. “I know you can handle yourself, but I’m your brother and the thought of you in the Gallows makes me sick.”

Julian usually wasn’t this candid, but he felt this was as good a time as any. 

“I get nervous, about you in Kirkwall. I don’t want to control you Olivia, really. I don’t think I’m the leader of the house, I don’t think I’m in charge because I’m a man.”

“Not explicitly,” replied Olivia. “But mother’s been putting that in your head since you were a kid. She’s always told you to protect me, to be the breadwinner of the house. You need to learn to let go of mother’s delusions.”

Julian didn’t know how to respond. He just looked at Olivia with more vulnerability than he had shown in a long time.

Olivia sighed. 

“But I also know it’s not all mother’s doing. I know I scared you, and I’m sorry. I know you worry about me because I’m your family, not just because mother wants you to. You’re...you’re a good brother… at least most of the time.”

“Better than Carver?” Julian asked, with just a hint of amusement in his voice.

Olivia let out a small laugh, subdued by all she had been through that night but a laugh all the same. “Better than Carver,” she affirmed. 

After the brief respite, Olivia steeled herself again, taking a deep breath. “Okay. I need to go back now so that Merrill and Isabela can leave.”

“Hey,” Julian said, before Olivia could turn away. “Are you okay?”

Seeing what happened tonight must have been dreadful. Seeing a fate that could one day befall you.

Olivia took a moment too long to answer. 

“I have to be,” she finally said. “Anders needs me to be okay.”

Julian supposed she was right. He gave her a solemn nod before leaving for the house. He had a lot to think about on the way back, and a lot of feelings to work through. The anxiety was still lingering as he thought of Anders’ friend. 

He didn’t even know the man’s name, but now Julian knew how he met his end. It was tragedy, pure tragedy. 

The man, whoever he was, was more than his end. He probably had people who loved him, he had friends. All that ended without even the mercy of death. It wasn’t right. 

That could happen to Olivia. Everything Olivia was could be taken from her, if she were caught. The chantry wasn’t supposed to use the rite on Harrowed mages, his father had told him, but he somehow doubted Anders’ friend wasn’t.

Templars were supposed to protect mages, the Circle was supposed to be the safest place for a mage to learn… the chantry never held true to its doctrine, so why would it now? Why wouldn’t they break their own rules to steal away someone’s mind? 

Julian wished, now more than ever, that they had never come to Kirkwall. He doesn’t know where they would have gone, knows there probably wasn’t anywhere else, but he still wishes. He wishes his sisters were both alive, living in peace. He wishes the world was not out to destroy people like his family. 


	11. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout continues. 
> 
> I'd also like to say thank you to everyone who reads, and especially ghostbunny for leaving comments!  
> If you got this far and are enjoying the fic, it would mean a lot to me if you left kudos or even a comment. Comments really make my day. <3

Olivia sat to the side while Anders finished weeping. She wanted to cry too, but she knew she couldn’t. What she felt could not compare to what Anders was enduring. She hadn’t known Karl, but his death still shook her. 

Olivia didn’t know what his relationship with Anders had been… well, it was no use speculating. But in that miracle moment when Karl returned to himself, the looks exchanged and the body language told a story. Whatever they had been, there had been a kind of love. That love had ended with Anders driving a dagger into Karl’s heart, ending his suffering. 

Olivia didn’t know if she believed in the Maker, but she hoped Karl was at his side. He deserved that. 

Anders looked up, somewhat startled to see Olivia. His face was a mess, red and blotchy from tears. 

“You’re still here?” He croaked out. 

“I’m not leaving you.”

“You should, after what you saw.”

“I saw justice,” Olivia told him firmly, recalling the spilling of Templar blood. “Justice for what they did.”

Anders let out a slightly manic laugh at that. Then took another heaving breath. 

“You...you’re really not going to ask me about how I-about what I became?”

“That’s not what you need right now.”

Anders’ face turned sour all of a sudden. “How do you know what I need? You don’t even know- you don’t know what I am.”

“You’re a man, and you just lost someone. That’s all I need to know right now.” Olivia would not deny being curious, but she would wait to ask. 

The two mages lapsed into silence for a long while, listening to the sounds of a leak in the ceiling.

“Have to get that fixed,” Anders murmured. “I can’t keep sitting here, people probably need me-“

“No,” said Olivia. “You need rest.”

“So do you. You… really are too kind. You don’t have to sit here while I cry.”

“Don’t have to, but I’m going to,” said Olivia. “Unless you want me to leave.”

“...no. No, I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. This...this doesn’t feel real. I don’t want it to set in that he’s dead. That I killed him.”

“The Templars killed him,” Olivia told him with conviction. Anders only stared into space some more, silent. 

More silence followed, and eventually Olivia took a seat on a cot and leaned against the wall. Maker, she was tired. Fucking damn it, this day was shit. 

Olivia squeezed her fists together to try and stop the tears she felt. It was no use. She had no right to cry over a man she didn’t know. 

_That could have been me._

No, Olivia would not think on that. She was safe, Templars couldn’t get her… she was as safe as a mage could be in Kirkwall. 

Fear still gripped Olivia’s heart as tears slid down her face. It could have been her. Fuck.

Olivia had never seen tranquil before today, and today she had heard the desperation in Karl’s voice as he begged not to go back. 

_Stop it, Olivia. You need to stay strong._

Right now she was the furthest thing from strong. The emotional strain of bearing witness to what happened at the Gallows, the physical strain of fighting the Templars to escape...it was starting to catch up to her in the silence of the clinic. 

Against her will, Olivia drifted to sleep where she leaned. 

________________

It was well into the night, and Olivia still hadn’t returned home. Julian had to assure his mother she was okay, that she would be back tomorrow. 

But what state would she be in? Was she intending to stay the night in the clinic? 

Julian tossed and turned, unable to find sleep. Finally, he made a decision and got up from bed to get ready and head out. He was going back to Darktown. 

He shouldn’t have left Olivia in the first place. She had wanted to be there for Anders, but who was there for her? All his talk of protecting Olivia and he had abandoned her when she actually needed him.

Olivia may think she was indestructible, but it wasn’t true. She had a good heart, and a good heart had to hurt after seeing something like that. 

He was no good at comforting people, but maybe he could help some other way. Maybe he could get them food or something, could at least keep watch and make sure no one bothered them. 

When Julian did end up at the clinic, he heard no noise inside. Carefully, he opened the door and walked in. 

First he saw Anders, sitting against a wall staring off into space. Then he saw Olivia, slumped over on a cot and completely asleep. 

Anders looked up blearily and gave Julian a wry smile. “Here to break my kneecaps?”

“Don’t joke right now,” Julian replied. “And don’t joke about that. Shit’s serious.”

Anders’ smile slipped. “It’s what I do. Crack a joke, say something witty...it’s better than silence. Why are you back?”

Julian could answer with many things, but he went for the simplicity of “Olivia wasn’t back for a long while.”

“Have you come to collect her?”

“No. I’m here to...I’m here to help, however I can. It’s what I should be doing as her brother.”

“Well she’s asleep. So it’s either wake her up or leave.”

“You should be asleep too.”

“I can’t. The noise in my head is too loud. Or it’s so silent that the silence makes noise. I don’t think I’m sleeping tonight.”

“...Can I get you anything?” Julian asked, a bit lame. He wasn’t used to helping. 

""I can make you some food or something, you probably need to eat.”

Anders looked up blearily. “Why are you...trying to take care of me?”

“You’re Olivia’s friend, and she wants to take care of you. She can’t right now, too worn out herself, so I’m stepping in to help her.”

“And helping me is helping her.”

Julian nodded. 

“Well, I’ve had worse company.”

“Do you have somewhere I can cook? I brought food. And some tea.”

Anders chuckled lightly. “You brought tea? That’s - I can’t imagine you drinking tea.”

“Tea’s good,” Julian said, a touch defensive.

“Do you have a soft side?” Anders asked, smirking. 

“No.”

_____________

Julian didn’t end up preparing the food, Anders insisted he wouldn’t be able to stomach it, but he did brew some tea. The two men sat side by side, not talking for a long while. 

Eventually Anders forgot about his cup and resumed staring into space. That wouldn’t do.

“Hey,” said Julian. Anders blinked a few times, startled. He looked at Julian in confusion. 

“Figured you weren’t going to a good place, there.”

“...no, I wasn’t. Thank you.”

A pause, then Anders spoke again. 

“Can I tell you about Karl? You don’t have to say anything, I just...I need someone else to know.

“Go ahead.”

And so Anders told Julian about how the two had met as boys in the Circle, how Karl was a little bit older but had no close friends in his own peer group. Anders was a precocious mage, so the two studied together. After Anders passed his Harrowing, the first person he went to was Karl. 

Anders faltered at this point in the story, looking unsure. 

“Then, um,” he said. “After that...after that we… we kissed.”

This caught Julian’s attention. His slight shift must have been noticed by Anders, who stiffened and frowned.

“...if me kissing another man makes you uncomfortable-“

“No!” Julian quickly interrupted. “No, I just...it’s awful, that Karl was more than a friend. Wait. No, what I mean was it even more awful-“

“That I killed him.”

Julian nodded silently. “I’m sorry,” he followed up.

“I don’t know if it was true love, or anything. We don’t get love in the Circle. But...but it was something. Eventually he was transferred to Kirkwall. That’s it, whatever we had was over. We wrote each other, but sending censored letters wasn’t the same… I first came to Kirkwall hoping- Hoping-”

Anders’ breath hitched again, and he took a deep breath. “I came to save him.” Another tear slid down his cheek, mixing with a splatter of dried blood. 

“You should get cleaned up,” Julian suggested. “It’ll help you feel better.”

Anders considered this. “I don’t think I can...my hands are shaking too much to wash anything.”

“I’ll wash your clothes, then. Go get changed, I’ll take care of it. I assume you have a basin here.”

Anders looked surprised. “First the tea, now the laundry? Are you secretly a housewife?”

“I’m secretly a guy trying to help out,” Julian told him flatly. “Now give me the coat.”

Anders nodded and stood on shaky legs. He shrugged off his coat and handed it to Julian, who found the basin and began to scrub at the stains of blood. He wasn’t quite sure how to clean the feathered pauldrons, but he gave it his best shot. Eventually Anders, now dressed in sleep clothes, handed Julian his shirt and trousers. Anders then sat right back where he was, and stared at the same space of wall. 

The only sounds in the clinic was the sloshing of water, which Julian didn’t think would be doing Anders any good. He needed talking. Julian was not good at talking.

“Thank you for protecting my sister from the Templars,” he decided on saying. “When things went south, you got her home safely.”

“I’m the reason she was there in the first place,” replied Anders. He looked upset, but that was somehow better than blank. “It could have been two people lost tonight…”

“But it wasn’t,” Julian told him firmly. “I’m...I’m not trying to make you feel worse. I mean it when I say thank you. I don’t say that unless I mean it. You’re not the reason Olivia was there, Olivia was the reason Olivia was there. You got everyone out of a Templar ambush.”

“You don’t want to know how I did that…” 

“Don’t care. You did what you had to do. You won’t find me mourning Templars.”

Anders didn’t reply, and Julian couldn’t think of anything else to say. He was a man of few words, and saying anything trivial right now felt like disrespect anyway. 

If Olivia was awake, she would know what to say. Out of the two of them, Olivia had a kinder heart and better words. Julian was strong and quick, he could survive. Couldn’t do much else though.

“Don’t blame yourself,” Julian eventually said. He knew from experience where that road went.

Anders let out some approximation of a laugh. “But…” he paused, “but it is my fault. It’s-” Anders let out a shaky breath. “If I had been there sooner. If I hadn’t waited to go to him…” tears were sliding down his face again, his shoulders hunched in on himself. 

“You said yourself that his letters were odd,” Julian reminded Anders. “He was likely tranquil long before tonight.”

Anders nodded, biting his lip to prevent more crying. 

“I know it’s hard to accept,” Julian continued. “But...but you couldn’t have done anything.”

Anders nodded again. When Julian was done cleaning his clothes, he left the coat to soak and sat back down next to Anders. 

“You speak like you’ve gone through it,” Anders told him.

“I have. You know I had another sister. Bethany. She died, and there actually was something I could have done about it because I was right there. I tried to protect her, and I failed. But it’s not my fault, that’s just how it played out. Life is shit. Bad shit happens, and...and you deal with it.” Julian let out a heavy breath through his nose, almost regretting bringing up Bethany. 

“There’s no use thinking about what might have happened. It’s not...it won’t change anything.”

Anders sniffled, but nodded. He was still crying, but looked a little better. He was about to say something when there was a rustling sound. This caught both of their attention, and they turned to see Olivia startling awake.

She blinked a few times, rubbed her eyes, then frowned. “Julian?” She asked, bleary from sleep.

“Figured you could use help with...with everything.”

“With me, he means,” Anders said with a self deprecating chuckle. “I’m a bloody mess.”

That wasn’t what Julian meant, at least not that it was a mark against his character. 

“You’re supposed to be a mess after someone you love dies,” said Julian.

Anders averted his eyes. Damn it, did Julian just insult him again accidentally? He was really trying here.

“Well, you can go now,” said Olivia. “I’m awake, you don’t need to stay. I won’t fall asleep again.”

She looked like that just wasn’t true. 

“Nope, staying,” Julian crossed his arms. “You need sleep, clearly. I can stay up with Anders.”

Olivia looked a bit confused, regarding Julian with a somewhat suspicious look. A tired look, too.

“...Anders, is that okay with you?” She asked. Probably because she knew Julian was not great company. 

“Yes, he’s been a perfect gentleman. No need to worry.”

“I...somehow doubt that. But...I’m gonna sleep again. Julian, just...be nice.”

With that, she curled up on the cot and threw a blanket over herself. After just a few minutes, she was out again.

“She needs the rest,” Anders commented. “I’m glad she took a break. Thank you again, for sitting here with me. I’m not good with quiet.”

Julian wasn’t sure how to reply. “You’re welcome” seemed weird. But what else do you say? He ended up grunting in some sort of affirmation. 

Smooth.

__________________

Julian spent a few more hours with Anders, just idly chatting and trying to keep the darkness at bay. Then there was a knock at the clinic. 

Anders jumped to his feet, suddenly alert. 

“Let them knock,” Julian said. “You’re in no state to heal right now.”

Anders looked like he was about to agree when a woman’s voice came through the door. 

“Anders?” She asked, sounding slightly panicked. “Anders, are you in there?”

Anders, damn him, rushed to the door. After he opened in a woman in a dark cloak walked in, sighing in relief when she saw Anders. There was something in her gait that set Julian on edge. 

He tried to recognize the woman. He couldn’t see much with her hood up. 

“Thank the Maker you’re okay!” She said, not noticing Julian for a moment. “I just heard about the trap, I came as soon as I could. What happened?”

Then she noticed Julian, and took a step back. “Who are you?” She asked, voice hard. The commotion also woke Olivia again, who was still on the cot but primed to get to her feet. 

“We can trust them,” Anders told the woman. She didn’t look convinced. 

“This is the person who got my letter to Karl,” Anders explained. 

That explained the way she walked, how she held herself. This woman was a Templar. 

“What happened, Anders?” She asked again, forgetting Julian and Olivia. “Did Karl sell you out?”

“Karl was…” Anders paused to collect himself. “Karl had been made tranquil.”

“What!?” The woman gasped. “They can’t do that, he was Harrowed! Wait...if he was tranquil, he will have told them everything!”

“He never saw your face, when you delivered the notes,” Anders told her, hardening his voice. He had pushed away his emotions for a moment to think strategically. It sounded like there was more than it appeared going on here.

“I’m not the only one, though. Does he know about Everett?”

“I don’t think so. He would be in chains already if Karl had told anybody. Keeping Karl in the dark was a good idea, it seemed.”

“We won’t be able to use that passage anymore,” said the woman.”

Anders nodded grimly. “We still have the sewers.”

“Right, right...this is still...this is bad, Anders. What if they start turning people tranquil if they suspect them? What if they start getting suspicious of the other Templars? They must know a Templar was giving him the letters.”

“You’re right. You and Everett will have to be careful. We should halt any operations we had going, just to be safe. I’ll let the others know.”

“Alright… Stay safe, Anders,” the woman said before leaving. 

Anders let out a long sigh and sat on one of the cots. “Maker…” he muttered. “So caught up in my own suffering I didn’t even think about what this would mean for them.”

“Who’s them?” Asked Olivia.

Anders gave the twins a searching look. “The Mage Underground.”

Julian had heard of them, only in whispers. He had thought it was just a rumor that they had freed people from the Gallows, but now he wasn’t so sure.

It made sense for Anders to be a member, but Maker what a stupid move. Anyone caught working with the Mage Underground would be killed. Anders was already risking so much by healing all of Darktown, and now he added this on. 

“You’re one of them?” Olivia asked, a dangerous spark of interest in her eye. No, no way was Olivia getting involved in this. 

“Yes,” said Anders. “You must not let anyone else know this, though. I trust you, but...it’s my life in danger here.”

“Promise,” said Olivia. Then. “Does the Underground really break people out of the Gallows?”

“Sometimes,” said Anders. “We can’t very often, but when someone is set to be made tranquil or killed we try to free them.” 

Anders continued. “It’s probably day by now. You two should head back. Thank you, again. You’re both good friends, better than I deserve.”

Olivia frowned at that, but looked too tired to get into it. Julian was also somewhat startled, prompting him to speak.

“I’m a shitty friend, you certainly deserve better than me.”

“Then I suppose we’re just stuck with each other.” Anders grinned somewhat sadly. 

Halfway back to Lowtown, Julian realized something. He had said he and Anders were friends. Were they friends? Julian told himself he only talked with the man late into the night as a favor for Olivia, surely Anders realized that.

Did Anders really think of Julian as a friend? And why did that not sound so bad to Julian?

Did he want to be friends with Anders?


	12. Life Moves On

Life, like it always does, moves on from that night. Just as life continued after Bethany’s life ended, life continued for Anders after Karl.

Olivia was checking in on him often, and she always found him working. She tried to talk to him about how he was feeling, but he just gave her wry smiles and flippant answers. He had set up a wall around himself, and Olivia was shut out.

Olivia made an effort to not let that night affect her. It hadn’t been about her, she told herself. Except it was. That night was a tragedy unique to mages, and she was a mage. 

After that night, she had a talk with Julian, a talk he did not want to have.

“If I’m ever made tranquil,” Olivia had told him, “you need to kill me. No matter what I say when in that state, I would rather be dead. Promise me.”

Julian’s expression had hardened, and in his eyes she had seen fear. 

“I’ll never let that happen to you,” he replied.

“You don’t get to decide that. Shit happens Julian, you and I know more than anyone. Promise me. If you let me live on like that you’ll be killing me every day I keep living. If I am ever made tranquil, you must end my suffering.”

Julian hesitated. He looked angry, defiant, afraid. But eventually he did make that promise. Olivia hated how much relief she felt. It was fucked up that the promise of her own brother striking her down was a blessing. 

But the world was fucked up, so that’s how it was. 

Her friends noticed something was different, that she was upset. Merrill and Isabela gave her space in a gesture of quiet understanding. Fenris asked what was causing her foul mood, and Olivia told him he didn’t want her to get into it. She didn’t want whatever opinions she knew Fenris would have. 

It was a dangerous time with the Coterie, too. The Sharps had started moving in on their sections of Lowtown, and they had even started making better deals with their partnered merchants. Olivia had some idea about how they were getting the money needed to accomplish this - the Frossards. Old money in Hightown, knee deep in crime and allied with the Sharps. 

They were never caught because they always got in good with the guard captain, which meant it was hard to cut off the Sharps’ supply of cash. The captain of the city guard was actually an ally of the Coterie, and aside from his fondness for Lady Frossard, he was a good ally. He kept the guard patrol off the Coterie enough for it to count but not enough for anybody to notice. Well, everybody but Aveline. 

“I just know he’s with them,” she told Olivia. The two were sitting at their usual spot by the docks, each venting their frustrations. 

“You mean with me?” Olivia asked with a slight smirk. “I’m with the Coterie, remember?”

“How could I ever forget?” Aveline grumbled. “I shouldn’t still be talking to you, you’re starting to get a reputation.”

“Then why are you talking to me?”

“Because against my better judgement, you are my friend. And I have no other friends. The only person in the guard I really talk to is Donnic. He’s a good man.”

“And he’s lasted in the guard?” Olivia asked. Aveline frowned.

“We’re not all corrupt. We just all have to listen to Jeven. If I were in charge, no one taking bribes would be allowed to stay. They don’t even hide it, they are shameless.”

“They’re making a living,” Olivia shrugged. “It’s how it is.”

“They make enough from the salary of a guard,” Aveline replied, exasperated. “They only seek to spend more coin at the blasted Blooming Rose or on finery to fit in with hightown.”

Before Olivia could reply, there came a commotion from the alleys leading back into Lowtown. People were suddenly flooding into the streets, frantic. 

Olivia hopped to her feet and ran to meet the crowd, thankful that she had her staff today. 

“What’s happening?” She asked one man.

“Poison! Someone’s set off poison.”

“Where is it coming from?” Asked Aveline in what Olivia assumed was her “guard voice.”

“We don’t know! It’s in the air…”

Olivia and Aveline exchanged a look. 

Aveline knew her duty as a city guard, and Olivia knew her family was in Lowtown. They were both running in to find where that poison came from.

Running through Lowtown, they could already see a green miasma flowing along the ground, rising into the air slowly. There were people collapsed to the ground, coughing and some throwing up. Everyone who could was running, but the smoke seemed to be everywhere. 

Aveline pulled up her bandana over her nose, and Olivia cast a partial barrier around her face. It wouldn’t keep all the smoke away, but it would allow her to keep advancing to where the smoke was thicker rather than run away. 

Closer into the center of Lowtown it was worst of all, the streets littered with collapsed bodies. Olivia prayed her family was not among them. Some families were boarding up their windows, some climbing the ramshackle buildings to get to higher ground. 

Eventually Olivia made it to her house, where she saw the door was open. Thank the Maker, they had left. Olivia then heard Aveline yelling to her. 

“Over here!” 

Aveline was pointing down an alley, and Olivia saw a barrel that was spewing the green mist. Both women ran to the device, and saw that there was some kind of lock over the mechanism that released the gas. 

Aveline tried to wrench it off with her hands, but Olivia stopped her. 

“If we break this thing, it could release it all at once. That may kill us.”

“Any other suggestions?” Aveline asked. “If we keep standing here, the gas will kill us too.”

She was right, Olivia could already feel her limbs growing heavy and her stomach turning. 

Before she could panic too much, the perfect person arrived. 

“Olivia!” Isabela called down the alley. “What in the Maker’s name are you doing here? We need to leave!”

By her side was Merrill, who was standing on shaking legs. 

“Isabela, you need to disable this,” Olivia told her, trying not to have a coughing fit as she spoke. Her voice came out gravely and strained.

Isabela saw the device and ran down the alley. She looked over the lock, and got to work. Isabela waved them away, indicating for them to get away from the barrel. 

By the time they left, Isabela had broken the lock and shut off the gas. She joined the others again, and tried to talk before coughing instead.

“Are any of you feeling light-headed?” Merrill asked. 

Everyone murmured their agreement. Isabela’s skin, where it was exposed to the gas, was also looking too red. Olivia’s arms stung, and had a similar rash. 

Looking around them, gas was still flowing. At first Olivia thought that it might just be taking some time for it to dissipate, but then she noticed it was coming from another direction. There were more barrels. Shit.

“We have to find the rest of them,” said Olivia. 

“What?” Exclaimed Isabela. “What we need to do is run!”

“That’s what everyone is doing! The gas will keep spreading otherwise. The people at the docks will have to jump into the bloody ocean at this rate.”

Isabela cursed to herself, but agreed reluctantly. 

The group of women found the next area where the smoke was the thickest, but didn’t see the barrel right away. 

“Spread out!” Olivia commanded. “It has to be close by!”

This time Merrill found the barrel, leading Isabela quickly to its location. It was disarmed, but Olivia didn’t let herself feel relief. She didn’t think this was the last one. 

Before Olivia could strategize more, Merrill collapsed. Isabela caught her, and then turned her around very quickly as she vomited. 

“She needs to leave,” said Olivia, not allowing panic yet. “Aveline, take Merrill to safety. Isabela and I will find the remaining barrels. 

“It’s my duty to protect this city! You take Merrill back to your house, the gas might have dissipated by then. 

“Nhg, no I’m alright…” Merrill muttered, still leaning heavily on Isabela. “I just need to catch my breath.”

“No,” said Olivia, “no, you need to get to safety. Did you inhale more of the gas than Isabela?”

“No, we were walking together.”

“It might be because of her small stature,” Aveline posited. 

“Well, it doesn’t matter why you’re so affected. I’m taking you to my house. Aveline and Isabela, find the other barrels.”

Olivia swung Merrill’s arm over her shoulder and led the small elf away towards safety. She would have to trust the others to find the rest of the barrels. 

Eventually Merrill’s legs gave out completely and the two women stumbled to the ground. Olivia quickly righted them and swept Merrill off her feet and kept walking. She couldn’t run carrying Merrill, but she was fairly light. 

“Thnks, ‘ivia,” Merrill muttered as she closed her eyes and went limp. 

_Shit, what was wrong with her? Would this wear off when she was safe? Would Olivia had to go grab-_

Anders. Olivia saw Anders, lying on the side of the road, face down in the dirt. What the fuck was he doing up here?

 _Is he dead?_ Olivia thought, now starting to freak out. She couldn’t stop to check, she had to keep going or Merrill would be in the same condition. 

_Fuck._

Thankfully Olivia arrived at her empty house quickly and was able to set Merrill down on her bed. 

“Merrill?” She asked. No response. 

“Merrill?” Olivia asked again, this time tapping her cheek lightly. Merrill’s eyes opened a fraction, and she tried to speak but ended up wracked with full-body coughs. 

“Okay, okay,” Olivia muttered. “She’s alive. It’s good.”

She looked down at Merrill. Was she well enough that Olivia could leave her here while she went to check on Anders? 

She had to be. Olivia wasn’t leaving him like that. 

“I have to go for a moment,” she told Merrill. “I will be back.”

Olivia ran, she tore through the streets back into the fog of poison. 

Anders was now curled on his side, next to a pile of vomit. Olivia crouched down and felt for a pulse. Thankfully, she found one. 

“Anders?” Olivia called, getting no response but a low whine. 

“Fuck.” She would have to carry him back. Somehow. She may be strong enough to lift a dainty female elf, but not a full grown human man. Especially not one as tall as Anders. 

Olivia settled for the next best thing, which was to grab both his legs and pull. This was okay for a few feet before his head went right over an uneven bit of brick. 

_Okay bad idea. Shit, how else am I supposed to do this?_

Olivia tried grabbing his shoulders and lifting him slightly, then walking backwards. This was slower, but safer. Except that slow was not safe in this situation, the longer he stayed in the gas the worse he would get. Olivia could even feel her own strength waning as her skin burned from contact with the poison. 

Still Olivia pressed on, dragging her near-unconscious friend away. They passed others who were slumped over, victims of the gas that had not run in time. 

Olivia’s arms gave out, and she dropped Anders with a sickening thud that sounded all too much like Bethany hitting the earth. 

A coughing fit tore through Olivia, and she sank to her knees. She needed to get up. Staying low to the ground was worse. She managed to grab Anders again and resumed pulling. 

Just when she thought her body was going to fail her again, she heard someone call her name. Julian. 

The man ran towards the two mages, Varric on his heels. 

Olivia couldn’t speak, only gestured to Anders as she coughed. Julian got the picture and with far too little effort hefted the man up and swung him over a shoulder.

“Back to the house,” Julian said. Olivia nodded and followed them. They ran, but were slightly slowed by Julian carrying Anders. Olivia noticed that Julian and Varric’s faces were both splotched with red, like they had been in close contact with the gas.

When they arrived at the house, the door was closed. Olivia pulled on the handle and found it locked. She hammered the door with her fist, not having time to fiddle with rusty keys. 

The door opened to Leandra’s shocked face, and she quickly ushered them inside. The gas around their house was gone, so they must have felt safe enough to return. 

Carver was arguing with Gamlen. Arguing about not throwing a strange elf out of their house. 

“She’s in no state to be alone!” Carver argued. “I don’t care that we don’t know her, we can’t just throw a sick woman out on the stree-“

Then he saw Julian with a whole ass man across his shoulder. 

“What have you two been up to?” He asked the twins, eyes wide. 

“Saving your asses,” Julian grunted in reply. “Now move so I can get to my bedroom and set him down.”

Gamlen spluttered something indignantly, but was in no place to stop Julian. He said something about strangers but Olivia wasn’t paying attention. 

Olivia went back to her room and with a sigh of relief saw that Merrill was right where she had left her. The woman blinked blearily up at Olivia with her large eyes.

“You did come back… good. The man out there was quite cross with me.”

“Don’t worry about him,” said Olivia. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Yes,” Merrill told her, sitting up slowly. “I’m still very light headed, but my stomach feels okay and my face has stopped hurting…”

“Good.” Olivia was currently trying to ignore the stinging on her own arms and face. Maybe Merrill had the right idea with all the layers.

“I’ll get you some water,” Olivia offered. Merrill thanked her, and Olivia left the room feeling good until she came face to face with Gamlen.

“What’s all this about then?” He demanded. “You bringing random elves into my home!? What gives you the right, eh?”

“I live here too, uncle. And she’s not a random elf, she’s a friend.”

Olivia was not about to mention that Merrill was also a coworker in her life of crime. 

“This is still my house and I don’t appreciate coming home to strangers!”

“There was poison filling the air! She had to get to safety.”

“So you left her here?”

“I had to save another friend. So yes, I left her here.”

“Is that other friend the fellow Julian was carrying? I hope he isn’t staying too long either.”

He was so far ignoring Varric, who was also in the house, but that was probably because Gamlen didn’t notice him. Dumb bastard.

“They’re both staying until they are well enough to go home,” Olivia told Gamlen firmly. He may own this house but she was not afraid to set her own rules. She and Julian supported the family, they could do what they wanted. 

Gamlen groaned in frustration. Olivia walked past him to get water for Merrill.

————————-

Julian set Anders down on his bed. The man was lighter than he should be, Julian noticed. He half wanted to remove his coat and get a better look at him, but that would be a massive invasion of privacy. Julian now wished he had payed attention when Anders took off the coat for it to be washed. Sure, he looked skinny, but he should still weigh more for a man his height.

Varric checked in to make sure Anders wasn’t dead, but then told Julian he was going back to see if the Hanged Man was safe again. 

Julian didn’t know what he should be doing, so he stood awkwardly by the bed for a few minutes while Anders barely moved. His chest rose and fell, but his skin was still blistered and red, not to mention covered in dirt. 

_Should I wipe that off?_ No, that would be...intimate, that was a bad idea. Julian wouldn’t want anyone touching his unconscious body. He did decide to go get a washcloth though for when Anders woke up, so he left the room to retrieve it and a bowl of water. Gamlen was in a fowl mood, glaring at Olivia while she was pouring a glass of water. 

Julian ignored him and quickly retrieved the towel and bowl, filling it after Olivia was done with the container of clean water. There was a pump located nearby outside, but they kept water inside for easier access. 

Julian returned with the items to find Anders awake, sat up leaning against the wall.

“Ah,” he said when he saw Julian. “That’s how I’m not dead…” there was a spark of amusement in his tired eyes. “So,” he asked, “this your house, then?”

“Yeah,” said Julian. “You should thank Olivia for saving you, though. She found you and tried to drag you back. I found her struggling, so I got you the rest of the way.”

“Then you did play a part,” said Anders. His voice was slightly rough, likely from coughing. 

Julian sat down on Carver’s bed, and ignored the compliment. “What were you doing in the middle of Lowtown, anyway?” He asked Anders instead.

“Healing. People were flooding into Darktown, running for refuge. I went to heal who I could from the poison, but...it got me faster than I thought it would. Last thing I remember was healing a Fereldan man, then I passed out.”

Multiple things were wrong there. Julian decided to address this one first. “And this man just left you there, after you’d saved his sorry ass?”

“Must have,” replied Anders. He didn’t even sound particularly angry about it. Just tired.

Anders really was too nice to these people, gave too much. 

“Second,” Julian continued, “that gas doesn’t work instantly. I was in it, I know. You had plenty of chances to get out before you collapsed.”

Anders did look a little embarrassed. 

“Well,” he said. “I uh...misjudged how much I could take. I thought healing one more person would be okay, but it got so much worse all of a sudden.”

“Seems like the same thing happened to Merrill,” Julian observed. “Except she’s a tiny elf and you’re a tall human. You should have more resistance than her.”

“Why does it sound like you’re accusing me of something?”

Fine. He was. He’d just say it. 

“Do you eat enough? You’re way too light for a man as tall as you are.”

The question caught Anders off guard. “Um… yes? I’m alive now, aren’t I?”

Julian narrowed his gaze. He could smell bullshit. 

“If I were to guess, you’re skinnier than you look with the robes on,” Julian continued. 

“Is this you saying you want to see me with my robes off?” Anders smirked. 

“Don’t joke your way out of this. I’m saying I think you’re concerningly thin. That’s a bad thing. People get too thin and they die when winter comes.”

Julian was annoyed now. He had expressed genuine concern, which was rare for him, and Anders had thrown it back with a joke. Could he not take anything seriously?

Okay, well he could take mages seriously. And healing people. But seriously, why did Julian even try?

“Here’s a washcloth for your face,” Julian told him bluntly. “You’re covered in dirt.”

“What? Oh,” he said as he rubbed a hand across his cheek. “I suppose I am. How did that happen?”

“Probably collapsing face-first in the street because you’re one hundred pounds soaking wet, while trying to heal a man who left you for dead,” Julian rattled off with no particular inflection.

“...I’m heavier than a hundred pounds,” was all Anders replied with as he started cleaning his face.

Julian rolled his eyes. This man was impossible.

A commotion came from the living room, a chattering of voices. One of which was Gamlen’s angry voice. 

“One second, I need to make sure nothing’s on fire,” Julian groused. When he left the room he saw Merrill was now sitting in a chair next to where Olivia stood, both talking to Isabela and Aveline.

“More people barging into my house!” Gamlen was complaining to Leandra, who looked like she wanted to throw him out a window. 

“The air should be all clear now,” said Aveline. “We also found some other barrels that were already disarmed.”

“That was Varric,” Julian told them as he walked over to the conversation. “We were at the Hanged Man when all this shit started. We found two barrels in the side streets.”

“Who do you think did this?” Isabela asked. No one said anything. 

“There will be an investigation,” said Aveline. “I will tell you as much as I’m at liberty to say. But I assume you will find other sources,” she finished with a long suffering look at Olivia. Ah. So she did know Olivia had bribed a few guardsmen. 

“Do you know what was in the barrels?” Julian asked Isabela. She was the likeliest to know poisons. 

“Not a clue,” she replied. “What would anyone gain by poisoning all of Lowtown, anyway?” 

No one knew the answer to that. 

Soon enough both Anders and Merrill were well enough to return to their homes. Olivia insisted on walking Merrill back to the alienage, which left Anders to travel back with Isabela to Darktown. 

Julian had almost volunteered to take him back, but stopped himself. Why the fuck did he care? Anders could take care of himself.

_He didn’t look good though, even though he’s walking._

But that was okay because Isabela was taking him home. He was a healer, for Maker’s sake, he could handle being sick. Julian didn’t need to concern himself with this. 

The aftermath of the poison was grim. Many people had died choking in the streets, the guard spent all day gathering bodies. Everyone was confused and panicked, and wild speculation had already begun about who set up the poison. 


End file.
